Gaster.avi
Once upon a time, a friend gifted me a Steam game simply known as Undertale. Judging from all the fanart and shit I found on Tumblr it was about a young girl and a sexy skeleton who likes puns, bad times, and he speaks in Comic Sans. However, although that shitty idea lingered, I played through Undertale, and I thought it was a decent game. But I won't forget that fateful day...
I was fucking around in Waterfall when I found this gray door. It led to a room which was empty, except for a white shadowy thing. Upon talking to it, it said "FNAF IS FUCKING SHIT" in Wingdings. It then disappeared. I thought that it was just a test room or an unused file, but then a monochromatic version of Monster Kid bumped into me. "Holy fucking shit, dude! That shirt is totes gnarly!" he said. I couldn't move my character, as she slowly walked away and seemed to cringe. I was surprised how hyper realistic the player character cringed in disgust, as she wasn't that detailed of a sprite. She looked at her striped shirt, and cringed even harder. Then a weird white dog appeared out of nowhere. I then got a call from Sans. "hey, do you wanna suck on my big bone?" I decided enough was enough and quitted the game. A few hours later, I started it back up. I was at the beginning of the game, oddly enough. In place of Flowey was a note.
To who it may concern,
It has come to my attention that our mere existence has caused cringe to infect the Earth's solar system. Now we are fucked.
- W.D. Gaster.
Now I realized what was really going on. The game is calling out its fanbase because it fucking sucks. Then I took a huge shit. The shit, somehow, was formed into a sentence saying "Undertale Fandom". Of course the fandom's a piece of shit. I had to lie down for a few minutes.
I had the strangest dream that night. I was in a creaky room, almost like a doghouse. Then a shadowy figure came up to me. "sup. i'm $@n$. yep. you heard that right." It looked like Sans but with a gold chain around his neck, snazzy glasses, and a weird cap with "OBEY" stitched onto it. "it's time i tell you about my tragic past." $@n$ then came up close.
"now this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside-down, and i'd like to take a minute to just sit right there, i'll tell you how i became the prince of a town called bel-air." A camera reel popped up, showing a film. "in west philadelphia born and raised, on the playground was where i spent most of my days." The film showcased a young human on a playground with a sinister smile. "chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all cool and scoping some noobs that went to my pool, till a couple o' guys, who were up to no good started causin' trouble in my neighborhood," he rapped, as the young boy watched as grown men assaulted a bunch of children on the playground. "i got in 1 small fight and my mom got scared. she said 'you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel-air.'" The film showcased the boy (who I presume is Sans) pulling out a knife and killing the grown men. Then it jump-cut to his mother, who told him to move. A single second flashed of the human Sans with purple skin and pinprick eyes. I awoke from that dream covered in sweat and piss.
When I turned on the TV, it was on a channel I didn't get before. It was weird, because the only channel on my TV was the History Channel, which helped me understand about history via aliens, swamp people, and pawn shops. It showed some kind of cartoon. The first few seconds were of an old man with 2 young children. Already I was sweating hyper realistic blood. An exuberant man in a fancy suit then appeared outside the door. "Mr. Pines, I'm from the winning house coupon savers contest and YOU are our BIG WINNER!" The old man then shut the door. The suited man then said, "I guess we'll have to give our prize to the runner-up winner, Fiddleford H. McGucket?" Then some weird hillbilly looking man came up to the scene. "How would you like 10 million dollars?" the man asked. "It's my dream come true!" McGucket responded, and started eating the check. The suited man then went up to the cameraman. "Cross this town off our list."
What the fuck just happened?
Written by Supreme Emperor Steak
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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