Gotta Go Fast

TTHe year was 2002. Sonic Adventure: Rise of CD had just been released by Nintendo on the Sega 64 console. Being like 8 or 9 years old at the time, I wnated it for jesusday. I begged and pleaded with my father (he owns nintendough) for several months because I wanted it so bad. One day, after brutalyy murdering several puppys he shouted ALRIGHT and on jesusmas morning i awoke to find a big box with a ribbon on it. Its THe sonic game i thought to myself exitedly. the box had something moving inside of it. I passed this off as a glitch. my Dad had just gotten home from work and told me go head opnit. I rushed tword the box at terminal velocity just like sanic wood and I tore open the paper to find a Sega 64 and the Sonic adventure Rise of CD game. Oh boy oh golly gee i yelled out loud.

My dad hooked up the console for me, as 9 yr ol me was too fucking lazy and sloby n stupid to do it myself. my mom rushed into the room crying tears of joy saying that she missed me and she hugged me tight, almost breaking my neckk. Mom was just fucking weird like that. I passed this off as a glitch. I turned on my tv and popped the cartrigee into the sega machine and waited sor the game to load. I sat down on my mother's lap and gave her a lapdance. The game booted up and showed the regular title screen followed by Copyright Sintend0 666-1987. I passed this off as a glitch and loaded up a first save file. The characyers were all having an undead zombie orgy beneath the wavves. such good graphiccs, i thought to myself. Later that night, tails doll, but ima get to that later its not importntt. I walked downstairs to my dad's BSDM dungeon and started playing the game again.

THis time, it booted up with sonic eyes bleeding and hyper realistic evil patrixx saying just gotta go fast and daniel johnston's poor you playing in th e back ground.. I passed this off as a glitch. Oh imm so happy this game is so amazing. Tails doll and eggmann where having a threesome w mr potato head and the game was running perfectly well until all of a sudenn the gam froze and went to a screen saying green hill zone. it waas a bright forrest in realyy ugly nbriht colors. I was playing as sonic and i ran really fast. Was I playing an secret stage? I started to question my beliff that this game was glitchy n bad but that it was just hUNTED nd the bst game of 2016. i played the green hill zone stage. It said stage clear and sonic showed the peace sign instead of the normal middle finger in buttholele. I was so freaked out py sonics lack of blood that i switched off a game and it turned off. I passed this off as a glitch. I took the cart in my pocket as i ran out the door of my house, 10 police cars and arlnld shwarznegr on fine chasing me down the road. Gotta go fast, arnold said. 10 minutes kater, i ran into gamestahp, now completely naked, with a little old nun running the counter. Here how much will you give me for this i said. Ill thake it for free she said as she threw it across the room. Hail satan she shouted in her little oldd lady esque rage. i scaered so i ran out and back home, still naked. i then got even more naked as i naked across the floor and slept naked. I woke up the next morning jesusday. It was a dream. I passed it off as a glitch and ran downstairs to see a bok w a ribbon. OI opened it and it was a sega 64 w a sonic game and. I plyedd it and the orgies happened like normal. i has a happy kid then. before i fought in nam. then i went bck to sleep and listened to my favorite band, Jimmy Eat Chemical I Hate American Football Joyce Alex G Manor. I always found Jimmy Gerard to be my supermodel. THen a skelly skelly popped out and it told me as i went to sleep

gotta go fat. goodnight sweet prince.

Comments • 0

Loading comments...