Grandma's Haunted Game Cartridge
Hello Jammy. Here to listen to a story?
Me? Yeah, I play video games. I played one last night. Haunted! Listen, I'll tell you all about it.
So I was playing this popular game... What's it called now... Minecart? Yeah, Mine-crat. It was a story about racing by you steering a racecar. Except they were floating. No, cars don't float. These probably weren't cars. No, they weren't space ships either. Hmmm... Space cars? Yep, that's it. Car space.
So I was driving this car. No, you couldn't see the controls. You just control it by pushing buttons on your hand cart, uh, I mean hand grab thing. The controls were real and in front of you. Yes, Jammy, you saw the car through the screen. Right, so, uhhh... You used the hand grab to move the car. What, that sounds boring? Not when it crashes! That's right, you can die in this videa game! No, not for real. The driver does. No, I'm not the driver, Jimmy! I'm just driving-Ssshhhhh... Look, I drive the driver, okay? The driver that dies is the first driver. No, I'm not the first driver. The driver is the first driver, and I drive the driver, okay? Sheesh. Haven't you kids played Minecurt before?
So, I was driving the driver who drove the floating car down a path at high speeds. Yes, Jimmin, this was all in the screen, not real life. But yes, I did control it in real life. Using the real hand grab thing—the controllic. That moves the fake stuff in the screen, get it?
The thing here is, which means it's haunted, is that it did something it wasn't supposed to. The car started bleeding real bad. I mean real bad. Think of the Shiny hallway times 10. This car looked like it had gotten into a car wreck and was mortally injured. No, cars aren't supposed to float in the first place, and no, they don't bleed. That's the point of haunting. No Jammin, I didn't crash the car. The driver didn't either! All I'm saying is that the car did something it wasn't created to do. What, who made the car? I don't know! The car space floating people. They aren't real people, Jammy. Then how do I know they didn't want the car to bleed? Because the floating car makers were made by the people who made the game. We just can't see the flying car makers. Why not? Because they aren't real, Bobba! It's like a moving story, Jammy. You only see what you need to see. Then why'd I see the blood? Why'd I tell ya?! It's haunted!
Yes, it's haunted to make the blood need to be seen. I don't know why. But it was sure scary! You should have seen me. Nearly wet my pants the second that car started bleedin'! I mean the floating space car. Was the blood real? Yes it was! Hyper-realistic! No, I couldn't touch it. It was—well, it looked real. Really real.
No, I don't know who made it appear. The ghost did! That's what it means for a game to be haunted, Junny. No, the ghost didn't make the people who made the game. The ghost just makes other things, like a co-developer. No, the ghost isn't paid, and no, it doesn't receive healthcare. No, not dental either. How do you know about these things?! Look, the ghost is dead. It don't need no dental or healthcare. Okay, so the ghost made the game do something that the other creators of the game didn't want the game to do, so that means it's haunted. No, the ghost isn't a creator. I meant that the real creators didn't want the game to have bleedin' flying cars. No, that's not how the game's supposed to be. The ghost is not a game maker, like I was saying. It's a ghost. It's like a virus. A virus for machines. No, ghosts usually aren't viruses. This one is. Don't get me started on ghosts infecting machines... I don't know! No, there's no cure for it I've heard of. Cartridges don't need virus shots! They're cartridges, Jumbo. I worry about you sometimes. I mean, I thought a kid your age had more sense. Don't you go to school yet? Oh, yeah, I suppose at five, you haven't been in school that long, huh? They grow so fast...
No, you can't become a game developer by being a ghost. They're dead. Seriously, I don't know why they took up game making in the afterlife. Must've been their life-long dream or somethin'.
So anyways... This car is bleedin' like mad and I hear a scream. The ghost didn't scream, Jummy. I don't know what it was, but it was super real sounding. Like someone screamed right next to me. Where'd the sound come from? The speakers... They attach to the consoled that makes the game move on the screen. No, what made this scream different from other screams through the speaker was that this one was in very, very good quality. The ghost? I can't say why they increased the quality of the speakers for the scream.
Maybe the ghost itself screamed without using the speakers, I don't know. Well, about the ghost being in the consoled, maybe it jumps out of it once and a while to scream at me in anger or fear or something. No, I don't know why. The game didn't shut off, either. You ask too many questions. Okay, maybe the ghost can split in two and one half stayed in the console to make blood while the other went outside to scream. Or maybe it adjusted the speaker hard-wares to make it sound so good. Maybe the ghost was an electricity engineer before its demise or something.
So I was shaking in my boots and was so scared to see what happened next. Why didn't I turn it off? I can't say for sure, Joomin. It was like I was possessed by the spirit in the cartridge. I can't say how it came out of the cartridge to do that, no... Maybe this ghost split again and had another half of it leave the consoled, or console or somethin', and possess me while another made the game's flying car bleed bad while another was making the scream. Or maybe it was magic, Jooman. No, I know magic ain't real, but who knows. Ghosts are real. What was happening couldn't have been done by the people who made the game. They're just humans, and humans can't do this stuff.
So there I was possessed, while that scream kept comin' out and that flying car kept spreading real lookin' blood on the track below it. I kept driving that car... No, no, Juman, I could still drive although I was possessed. Yes, you can quit from a game by using the hand grab controllic. I couldn't do that. This ghost possession was very particular in stoppin' my brain from doing anything except playing the game more. Why? I don't know! Ask the ghost! It probably wanted someone to play the game with the changes it had made, and couldn't get anyone else to do it. Well duhn, no one would want to play a game that had so much bleedin' and screamin'. No, there are games with lots of bleeding and screaming, but they were made that way. By the developers who made the game.
Look Jammoon, it's scary because I wasn't plannin' on seeing that blood and hearin' screams and all. This game wasn't meant to be this bloody and screamy, alright?
So anyways... The possession disappears for some reason and I try turning this game off in a jiffy, but it doesn't turn off. Because the ghost don't want it off. It wanted me to keep playing. To see its creation it infected that game cart-ridge to produce. Brings a tear to my eye. Beautiful.
But I was in no mood to play that nasty, ghost-ridden game. I ran out of that room and didn't look back. What I do with the cartridge? I sold it on ebay for 1 cent, Johnny. Because that's profit, and you will understand when you're in the world of business.
Well, about time for me to go out and do stuff. I don't know... Is it snowing? I'll wear my coat. You run along now. So: remember to watch out for those haunted games. They'll give you the willies.
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