Have a SONY day

I am a big fan of video games. All the classic and bad games fucking suck because they barely had real killing, but the new games are good, though. Then something happened that made me rethink things.

9/11/11 1:35 AM

I live in Minato, Japan. I have a job working at my apartment that I have not paid my rents for, so when the land lord comes by, I hide in my super secret cellar powered by orphan tears. My job is to design characters for future games for a company named Sony. I love Sony and their games (mostly the ones with gore), but I'm a slightly bigger fan of Microsoft. I tried to get a job at Microsoft, but they denied me due to my lack of experience on the Xbox 360 as I don't even have an Xbox 360 nor have I ever played one but seriously, they should've hired me. I was designing a new character for the next Bubsy game that Sony hasn't revealed to the public yet and was mean't to be an ultimate weapon for world war 3. I was designing a new soldier for stalin's picnic when I saw that my toaster above me was about to fall off. I quickly climbed the ladder up to my toaster, but it fell and smashed my expensive and high-tech windows 98. Out of anger, I punched the wall so hard, my fist went through it and flew 10 miles per hour for 10 seconds as I counted. My fist hit Micheal Jackson's grave and returned to me. I sat on my bed for hours and eventually had a stroke from anger and went to sleep. While I was asleep, I had a dream about all my favorite characters becoming all cutsie wootsie and not fighting anymore. I woke up at 4:19 A.M. sweating and the bed sheets smelt funny for some reason. I had to get up and go back to Sony Headquarters in 20.04 seconds. I was already dressed, but had it a few stains on it since last night, and my hair was a mess, plus it smelt bad. I put high quality Colgate toothpaste on my hair to make it smell better and look better. I hopped onto the nearest middle-aged man prostitute I could find with no pants, lit his ass on fire, and drove him like a jet. The man I used was surprisingly fast.

9/11/11 9:11 AM

A man quit today because no one was paying attention to his wrist cuts that he's been making through cutting himself for 4 years. I recognized him from somewhere, probably on xxxcoolemoxxx's tumblr profile. My boss came to me and said that the man threw an Xbox 360 at him. He had a bruise on his butt cheek and I heard security guards behind me making odd moaning sounds, probably because they were hurt, but i never bothered to turn around. My boss said they had no use of a big, white, single Xbox 360, so they gave it to me to bring home. I was excited of course. My next income was in the next 6 weeks and I was saving up to buy an Xbox 360 of my own, but now I got one for free. The work day was long and hard as I was told. I ran out the door and bought "Banjo Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts" for my brand new Xbox 360 to relive some new and improved childhood. When I got home, I fucking threw the Xbox 360 on the ground so hard, the casing fell off. I picnicked and plugged it to see if it still worked and sure enough, it did. There was already a game the Xbox 360 when I turned it on. It was a solid snake game. I weighed my options on a scale and boy were they fucking fat and decided to test out the solid snake game first. I heard a sound that sounded like solid snake giggling like a stupid baby when the game came on. The game skipped the intro and the title screen and went directly in the gameplay. I was behind an enemy and tried snapping his neck, but snake instead hugged the man. The man picked up snake happily and swung him around and suddenly, the environment changed to a flower field. The man was laughing as he swung snake around and pulled snake over for a kiss. I vomited at the sight of this so hard it hit my electrical box and the circuits for the power shorted out. I fixed the circuits and the power went back on, not the Xbox 360, though. I decided to pack up and go to bed.

9/12/11 5:59 AM

I decided to take the day off to play on the Xbox 360 some more. I was anxious to know why the characters last night were even doing that. I put the game back in and tried to play the Xbox 360 again. It took a little while, but the Xbox 360 started to work. The game started and I was playing as naked snake in front of what appeared to be a modern house. I went into the house, entered a room, and the enemy from before was laying on a rose pedal littered bed, striking a sexy pose while seductively looking at naked snake. Snake hopped onto the bed and immediately did the enemy under the bed sheets. Snake's muffled scream was then heard from the bed sheets a few moments later. I was about to vomit again, but decided not to. I almost got a raging boner from the sight of what was going on in the game, but I put tape on my penis to prevent it from happening. A text appeared on the screen after snake and the enemy was finished: "You having a Sony day over there? We are." I quickly took out the snake game and put in Banjo Koozie Nuts & Bolts. Like the snake game, it skipped the title screen and went into the game but this time, at the start. Banjo and Kazooie were now fat. Kazooie was playing Xbox until she heard grunty's decapitated outside, back for revenge. Banjo was about to fight grunty's head when some moron paused the game and called himself the game master. He made a contest between Banjo and grunty to collect as many things as they could. Not even a minute into the gameplay, the game master says that kids these days don't want this and replaced the regular gameplay with driving. I shouted and cried on the floor when a text appeared saying "I'm sure this Sony day will evaporate those tears and make the sky rain tears." I took the disc and stuck it on my toilet paper wrack for later. I was so mad, that I went to bed.

2/12/11 4:21 AM

I visited my friend and knocked him the hell out to steal- I mean, borrow some money. I bought the new Call of Duty, sonic boom, and Bioshock. I put in Call of Duty and the title screen's background looked colorful and bright. I started the campaign and the gameplay was just helping children out on a playground. The first thing I was able to do was push a swing with a kid on it. I pushed the A button as hard as I could in attempt to push the kid off and kill him, but the kid was always pushed gently. Next, there was a Merri-go-round with a kid and I tried spinning the thing fast enough to make the kid fly off, but he never fell. This isn't a call of duty game! A text appeared on the screen "Having a Sony day over there, mate? You know you are." I took the disc and put it on my toilet paper wrack next to Nuts & Bolts. I put in sonic boom and was met with sonic and eggman setting up what appeared to be a bomb. Now this was my kind of game! Sonic grabbed eggman and ran off when the bomb was ready. I wasn't able to see what they were bombing since the camera angle sucked. Sonic then pulled out a button from his bum bum and pressed it. The explosion went off and it didn't blow up anything. It emitted a heart shaped smoke cloud. "Having a Sony day-" I took the game out before it could finish showing that damn line and put it on my toilet paper wrack with the others. I finally decided to play Bioshock. Nothing could go wrong there. I was wrong. The gameplay was baby sitting the little girls. "Having a-" I took the game out. These games were giving me the shitties and I ran to the bathroom. I took a large diarrhea dump in the toilet. The poop was all black and filled with bloody chunks. I shrugged it off and used the discs I put on the toilet wrack as toilet paper. After taking that dump, I felt less negative, as if all the meaness inside me had just left me through that diarrhea.

9/13/11 4:20 AM

I went to my friends house and hugged his bruise that I gave him when I borrowed his money. He screamed in pain because touching the bruise hurt, but I didn't care. It just needed some love. He called the Po Po, but I took the phone and jammed it into his ear to help him hear the police. He laid there on the floor, leaking a red liquid. I guess he did love me as that's his love juice. I tried to make him get up, but he didn't. I guess I'll just let him sleep for now.

9/14/11 3:00 AM

I woke up from that horrid nightmare where I became all lovey-Dovey and killed my friend with a phone. So I thought it was a nightmare. I went to my friend's house to tell him about the dream, but the police were all around his house. I ran immediately back to my house after seeing the police. My TV was on when I returned and there was a man on TV. It was Steve from blue's clues. An old episode about love was playing. After watching it, I quit my job at Sony and ran for president. I became president and banned love.

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