Herobrine's Soul

I like Minecraft, and I have all the ports, all the merchandise, and all the mods. You might say that I don't add anything to society and I am a parasite on this world's land, but everyone said that before so I've grown null and void at this point. Anyways, I went up to start a new run at 4:20 AM on Friday the 12 in May 2017. I was bored and wanted to find something unique and interesting, instead of the same old savannah, desert, mountain biomes with their oaks and birch. I wanted to explore jungles, villages, abandoned mines, tundras, and so much more. Little did I know I would get more than I bargained for...

I was spawned in a roofed forest next to an ocean. However, everything was hyper realistic!!!!1! Well, that's strange. The textures were the least of my worries, because a shadow figure was following me! The shadow figure said, "Go to the island nearby. Give me a soul." Now, I didn't know what he was talking about, but then he ran away. Or at least he tried but he ran into a dark oak. "Fucking shit!" he said. "I used to climb these trees like a boss!" I asked him who he was, because that made no sense. "Hasn't anyone told you about Herobrine? I'm sorta famous around here?" No. Fucking. Way. It was HEROBRINE. I told him that it would be faster if I had a boat. "Yeah, sure," he mumbled as he threw me a jungle wood boat. I paddled off and found a mushroom island. Finally, something interesting! That is, until Evil Patrixxx burst out of the ground. "To get Herobrine's soul, you have to get through me!" I didn't know what to do. I had no sword, no bow, no shield, nothing. Patrixxx started throwing projectiles at me. I couldn't block them, so I tried running around them. Chunks of ground were pulled out with telekinesis. Patrixxx used his mind powers to try and crush Steve. However, I can dodge things, so Steve got away without a scratch. Then Patrixxx's psychotic smile turned into a hateful scowl. He raised up huge chunks of the giant island and lifted them, along with me, up into the sky. Since I couldn't jump far enough without falling, I had to stay put and continue running away from the problem like in real life. Patrixxx's health kept increasing and increasing, with him throwing more unpredictable and stronger attacks. I was fighting for my life - until I paused the game to take a shit. Then I went back and Patrixxx charged up his laser eye beams and struck Steve's health down to half a heart. I felt like this was the end for my blocky friend. That is, until a giant green creature wearing some kind of vest flew up and knocked Patrixxx down. It was Shrek. "Let's fix you up, laddy!" Shrek chimed, as he gave me a healing onion and rat stew. He also handed me an enchanted diamond sword and armor. Patrixxx shot fireballs at me, but my sword reflected them back, causing lots of damage. At half health, Evil Patrixxx pulled the islands together and ground pounded face first into the mycelium covered dirt. The slam produced a shockwave which caused 3 hearts of damage. I had to jump over it. While Patrixxx was laying down, I struck him again and again with my sword, while thinking to myself that this was a great boss fight. Patrixxx was low on health, so he threw TNT onto the ground so that I could lose some footing and fall off. He continued slamming into the ground and throwing Wither Skulls, but I continued to dodge it. I struck down Evil Patrixxx until he could take only 1 hit. "Get it ogre with," said Shrek, but Evil Patrixxx just had to open his stupid mouth. "You may have beaten me now, but I will become more powerful in the future." "There IS no future for you, Patrixxx!" I shouted. "Holy fuck, you're right," he realized, as he was weak. I struck Evil Patrixxx down, and Shrek congratulated me as Herobrine's silver soul was sliced out of the sea star's stomach. (Try saying that 5 times fast.) Shrek gently carried me down to Herobrine, and I handed him the soul. Herobrine returned to his normal self, and smiled. "Until we meet again, never stop playing Minecraft!" Herobrine then disappeared. I closed the game feeling a sense of accomplishment, something that I barely felt because I have no life. When I came back to Minecraft, the world was renamed from "My World" to "Thank You". Then a GIANT WITHER SKELETON POPPED OUT!!!!!!1!!!!!

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