Hiking

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  NSFW WARNING

This page is not safe for work or school. The content of this story is not suitable for some audiences, and may be inappropriate to view in some situations.
...Or in all situations, at any time, any place, and by any audience for that matter.

I was walking through the Gobi desert. I was determined to find the truth. My legs were aching yet I pressed on.

Finally I drank the last of my water. Darn I should have brought more.

"Aaaaaaah," I heard an angelic sound and a god-like visage of Bear Grylls appeared.

"Drink your own piss," said the image of Bear Grylls. I started saving my piss in my water bottle. It saved my life.

I crossed the desert and I was out of piss. But now I had a new obstacle. There were stairs leading up a mountain.

Halfway up the mountain I saw two girls. They yelled out, "hey fatty guilao, what you doing on the mountain." They then proceeded to throw faeces at me.

I couldn't go down because I was too lazy to climb those stairs again. Fortunately at that moment a god-like visage of Bear Grylls appeared again.

"You can get water from dung," said Bear. I caught the dung that the girls were throwing and collected the dung surrounding me. I squeezed the water out and drank it.

"Ewww, fucking gross," said the girls in unison as they walked away in disgust.

Finally I reached the top of the mountain. I saw my prize. I would soon know the truth.

The sign read: "WUHAN INSTITUTE OF VIROLOGY" and in smaller letters the slogan, "manufacturers of lazy cliches and stereotypes for horror writers everywhere."

I snuck around the building to find a back entrance. I was in luck! I found a door open around the back that was not guarded.

I started exploring the hallways and departments - until I found one that chilled me to the bone.

"WUHAN DISNEYLAND"

With trepidation I opened the door and what I saw shocked me to this day.

Mickey Mouse was having sex with Minnie Mouse and Donald Duck was having sex with Goofy. But my day was about to get worse.

The characters took off their heads to reveal...

Donald Trump was doing Vladimir Putin and Joe Biden was doing Xi Jinping. Australian prime minister, Scott Morrison, was in the on-site McDonalds crapping his pants.

I could never look at my wife the same again.



Credited to teambob 

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