Hired as a burger flipper
It was Monday, the sun was shining. My mom had recently told me to get a job. I told her Elden Ring was almost out, but she was having none of it. After noticing that I only sent my resumes to places that would never hire me, she applied for me at Uncle Joe's Burgerly DEALights because I "already spent half my time there anyway, might as well get paid for it".
That day, I was woken up at 6AM by the screams of my mother. I will never forget the screams. They were saying. "You gotta be the first to arrive at your new job to make a good impression, please never forget what I just told you. I love you very much, honey, have a good day."
I nervously searched through my pile of clothes until I found my last pair of clean socks and headed for the door. I walked outside, took a right, then a left, then jumped into bus 21, then realized it was the right bus, but the wrong direction and got off, then I took the metro line E because it was right next to the bus stop I got off at and faster, then there was this one guy who sang really loud in the metro and he was right next to me so it was kinda awkward but I didn't want to get up and leave because he might notice me and it would get even more awkward so I wanted to put on my headphones but I realized that I had forgotten them so I just sat there for the whole 15 minutes wishing I was dead, then I got out and climbed the stairs and walked an extra 5 minutes to my workplace.
As my mom had predicted, I was the first person there. I was unsure of what to do. But, thankfully, my boss had left a list on the workstation, between the fryer and the grill. And this is what it said.
- Don't overcook the burgers, the clients don't like that
- If some kids come in asking for the "Tiktok special", give them Joe's regular and charge them twice the price.
- The ice cream machine should be switched on from 14:15 to 15:10 EXACTLY. If anyone asks for an ice cream outside of these hours, tell them the machine is turned off and DO NOT elaborate further.
- If you hear weird knocking at the windows, see apparitions or notice anything supernatural, please hand in your resignation letter. We don't need your crazy ass around here.
- Ignore rule 4
- I did not write rule 5, ignore it
- Rule 6 is false
- Alright, who the fuck keeps adding numbers to this list? Is that you Terry?
- It's me, the manager, and idk who wrote rule 8, what's happening in this place???
- Whoever wrote rule 9, 7 and 5 is fire
- I meant fired, sorry,
- Please stop expanding this list, only I am supposed to do that
- If you see a rule 12, y-
At this point, I realized that this shit wasn't worth getting paid minimal wage for, dropped the list and left.
Credited to Slumi
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