Homestar Runner Anti-Piracy Screen

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June 14, 2019

I looked at the app I was going to download. It was called "HOMEstar" and has the head of Homestar Runner as the icon. "I hope this can take my mind off those gory episodes..." I said to myself, as I hit the download button. I then clicked the icon on my laptop.

To my surprise, it was the pre-Ruffle website on a app.

"Sweet!" I said. I clicked the "Come In" button, and I was send to some weird main page. It looked like the shower main page, but Homestar was wearing a pirate hat instead of a bath cap. No matter which button I scolled over, he'll only say "Pirate!". I clicked the characters button.

All of the tapes on the page just says "PiRATE" instead of which character it was about, making it hard to tell. I went back and clicked the Toons button.

It looked normal, so I clicked the Teen Girl Squad button and saw an odd-looking episode that was just called "Issue 666" "Not again..." I said as I clicked on it.

It started with the normal TGS intro, with the text on the panels just reading "Pirate!" After the intro, it showed something really weird: Homestar falling from the sky. After he landed on the ground, he said "This place feels paper-y". He got up and said "Hello? Anybody here?".

He walked over and saw Homsar. "Oh no! Anybody but this idiot clone of me!" Homestar said as Homsar starts speaking, and he said... something in Russian. Then I saw Cheerleader, So and So, What Her Face and The Ugly One as zombies. They ate Homsar as he turned into a zombie too. Now, these zombies looked weird. They have yellowish-green skin and blood-red eyes. Let that sink in for a moment.

"Oh nonononononononononononono! I better warn the others!" Homestar said in fear as he ran over to the brothers Strong.

"What do you want now, dumpface?" Strong Bad asked. "THERE ARE VAMPIRES IN HERE! AND HOMSAR IS 1000% A VAMPIRE!" Homestar said, still in fear. "...Those are ZOMBIES. Idiot." Strong Bad said after seeing the zombies. But then, Cheerleader got hold of Strong Sad and bit him in the neck, as hyper-realistic blood dripped on the floor. Strong Sad then became a zombie. "Holy crap!" Strong Bad said in shock.

It cuts to a time card reading "30 minutes or half a hour later" For some reason, it was readed by the French Narrator from SpongeBob. It then shows a poorly-drawed, borad-up house in the middle of nowhere. It show Marzipan working on something. "I like the colored water you're using, what it is for?" Homestar asked. "It's for a zombie virus cure." Marzipan replied. Then, 2 zombie hands (with claws) broken in from the (borad-up) window and took Marzipan away.

Marzipan came back as a zombie, covered in hyper-realistic blood. The other zombies climbed out from the window. "BY GOD!!!!!!" Homestar said in pure fear. He ran out to warn the others. They all grabbed their "weapons", which was, in fact, a bunch of toys.

"Why are we using toys as weapons?" Homestar asked. Then, the zombies jumped in and ripped out The Cheat's skin, and bit Strong Mad. Both of them became zombies. "RUN!!!!!!!!!!!" Homestar yelled. It was so loud I lost 5% of my hearing!

I then saw the zombie turn the others into zombies. It was sooo gory, and all the blood was hyper-realistic! I almost threw up, but luckly, I found a bag and threw up in it! The killing went on until only Homestar and Strong Bad was left. Both of them was covered in hyper-realistic blood.

"This is all your fault, dumpface." Strong Bad said. "I-I... I-I didn't started this!!! I was in Florida, I swear!!" Homestar said, crying. It sounded like his voice actor was actually crying. He then saw Strong Bad as a zombie. "HOW THE?!" Homestar yelled in shock. Then, Cheerleader leaped onto him, and static appeared on the screen. Then I saw something I'll never forget.

It was Homestar, with his head cutted out and laying 5 feet apart from him. Hyper-realistic blood was everywhere. On top of the screen, it said in orange words:

"Piracy is no good!

I couldn't believe you pirate the website! Now you killed everybody, and turned them into zombies! Now delete this app right away, or we'll send Homestar Runner to kill you!"

I did, and it only took me a minute. I tried to calm down. First, I saw a cursed YouTube video, then found and watched a cursed VHS tape, and now this! Today wasn't going so well!

I then went to some weird website to watch some Hello Kitty cartoons to take my mind off all of this.

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Originally on Geoshea's Lost Episodes Wiki

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