How to stop the frickin' satanism and satanic stuff at school

Members of the Koudeilandic American community are outraged about what evil satanic teachers did at Woodside Highschool in Newport News, Virginia, USA. The teachers there had something called "spirit week" and I can already tell by the name that it is spirits and demonic stuff. I think it means that students had to all take turns pooping in a specific area of the hallway until it formed a large pile of poop and then they all held hands and formed a circle around it, not just any circle, a satanic circle! My uncle Usammah Zuhoor called me and said "How is everything in Koudeiland," and I said "Good, how is America," and that is when he told me he was happy about school spirit week. I assumed without any evidence that each day of the week the staff at Woodside Highschool are summoning frickin' satanic demons and of course I'm correct because I am a empath which means I have magic psychological powers to always be right. My mommy told me that that meant I was a narcistist and I assume that means a Queen and I'm always right so it does. Here is how to stop the frickin' satanism and satanic stuff at school.

You will need:
-A green sheet of construction paper that says "I was touched by my big nose"
-a chainsaw from year 1986
-a photo of the boys locker room

You must go to your school which is extremely evil and satanic and wave the green sheet of paper like a madman while proclaiming "This is my reservation for kissing the principle's left nostril at 3am" over and over and then hand it to your crush. Smack your crush as hard as you can if it is a male. Run to the office and bring the chainsaw with you and start sawing chairs and furniture in half. If teachers ask you to stop, simply reply: "Shut up, hellish beast, I'm doing God's work!" and continue. When the security or police show up, pull out the photo of the boys locker room and show it to them while screaming "You satanic motherkisser, I will destroy you, INFIDEL!" on the top of your lungs. Run away and resist arrest with the chainsaw and hide in the nearest dumpster. Don't eat anything or leave for 8 days. If you survive, the ritual is complete and you must apologize if you hit your crush. If you are taken to jail, prison, or a mental facility, tell them "Satan put me here to study biking and jogging with Doop Snogg and Bardi C" and laugh hysterically.

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