Hula Burger
I found this letter in the mailbox yesterday...
Let me tell you a little story. I was a young man back in 1962... yep. I still remember Woodstock and the Beatles. I also remember the wretched taste of the Hula Burger like it was yesterday. Here I thought I was ready for anything, but the fact of the matter is, I made a huge miscalculation. Anywho, the McDonald's I went to in Cincinnati, Ohio was having a contest to see what sandwich would win. There was a fish sandwich, and the hula burger. Guess which one I picked?
Yes sir, I made a mistake that fateful Friday. It was just downright gross. Taking a bite of the Hula Burger was like eating soggy fruit bread with cold cheese added in. What were they thinking? I demanded to speak to the manager, and he offered me the fish sandwich instead. No sir, I said... I told him it was all probably terrible, and I was going to Burger King across the street.
Yet, every day after that when I happened to pass by that McDonald's, I could still taste that fruity slop in my mouth. For Pete's sake! For Fuck's sake, as well! I'm actually sitting at Burger King writing this, by the way.
The bottom line is... the McDonald's Hula Burger is the worst excuse for a sandwich ever made. Think about it. Just fucking think about it. It's a fucking pineapple patty with no condiments, no meat, no soul, no love, no thought, no effort, no reason to exist, and yet... it did. It did exist! Do you know anybody who would enjoy a grilled pineapple patty squashed between two white buns with cold cheese thrown into the middle? The combination makes no sense. It's like something you'd throw together when you're high as shit and have munchie madness, and even then you would never finish eating it! I heard recently that these were such a failure back then, that they only sold 6 of these sandwiches. That means 5 other people have suffered just like I have from ingesting the worst sandwich of all time. I can't believe it sold more than one unit!
If anyone on the street ever offers you a Hula Burger, tell them to politely fuck off. Because even a starving dog wouldn't eat that shit. Excuse my language, young fella.
Who in the world sent this?
Written by Meaty
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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