I'm a botanist and my cell number is really close to the local priest's and it's weird

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It was 4:20am. I had had a late shift botanizing the frick out of some plants and I was plumb exhausted. I had finally drifted off to sleep when my phone rang.

"Hello?" I asked, voice gravelly with sleep.

"EXORCIZE ME DADDY!" came the voice on the other end, breathy and peppered with seductive moans.

"For the last time, I am a BOTANIST and not the PRIEST! His number ends in 69, you dialed 68."

"This isn't the roleplay we decided on," the stranger laughed. "Try again."

"Dude, I just want to sleep." I was about to hang up when the moans were replaced with demonic shrieking in what sounded like at least 10 different voices. My ear wouldn't stop ringing after the call.

"BOW TO US."

"No, I'd like to sleep. Thanks."

The seductive voice was back. "Please, you have to help me. I need an exorcism before it's too late." I heard a kissy noise at the end.

"Ok," I relented. "But don't sue me. I told you already I'm not the gosh damned priest. Ready?"

"For you? Always!"

I resisted the urge to gag. "Alright. So look deep within yourself and tell your demons BEGONE THOT! That should do it, ok? Now can I please get some sleep!" This was one of the many days I wished phones weren't nondescript black rectangles. I would love to have angrily snapped or slid my phone shut, but I settled for angrily tapping the hang up button on my screen.


Credited to mysticaltater 

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