I Feel to Scream

Something wakes you. You’re not sure what it is, you’re not even sure if it’s a tangible feeling or the remnants of an unpleasant dream. It really doesn’t matter now.

You’re awake now and you know something is different, something is wrong. The ceiling fan is off, the tv is black, and the room is pitch black and completely silent.

Those things are definitely not right but power outages aren’t unusual, no, you feel something.

Your body feels sluggish, like you’re wrapped in heavy winter clothing, even though it’s the middle of June and you usually sleep naked.

You swing your legs over the side of the bed, everything around you feels wrong. The air feels cool, it feels like you're submerged in cool water. The darkness, the silence, the coolness. It’s all wrong.

You fumble for your phone on the nightstand, you knock over the lamp and a couple of empty water bottles but you successfully find the damn thing. You see that it’s 3:58AM and 75 degrees outside with almost 100% humidity, a climate that isn’t reflected in your bedroom.

You turn on your flashlight and feel a wave of unease shoot up your spine as it does nothing. You shine it directly on the bed and yet it stays just as dark. You shine it around the room and nothing changes. You feel the spikes of a panic attack digging into the base of your skull as you shine the light in your face. It doesn’t blind you.

Your breath catches in your throat, your chest tightens. You can clearly see the light coming from the phone, but it looks as bright as the screen. You know that it was bright enough to light up the entire room during the last power outage when you pointed it at the ceiling, so you try it and feel the spikes of panic sink even deeper as the light seems to disappear.

You stand up and futilely shine the light in front of you, it feels like the right thing to do even if it doesn’t actually help. You fight back against the panic as you take a couple steps toward the door, you’ve lived in this house your entire life, your muscle memory takes you to the door with some difficulty. You open the door and step out into the pitch black hallway, immediately catching your foot on something hidden in the inky blackness around you. Your phone flies from your hand and bounces down the carpeted hall as you bounce off the wall opposite your door.

The panic in your mind is quickly replaced by a fuzzy static as your head bounces off the wall and your perception of the dark world around you goes hazy.

You finally succumb to the panic, your tears flow freely but your sobs make no sound. You start to hyperventilate as the feeling in your arms and legs are replaced by a searing pain.

You scream out for someone, anyone, everyone. You know it’s pointless.

Your memories fade, you’re not in your house.

You know you’re not surrounded by darkness and silence.

You’re trapped in the absence of light, of sound, of the things that make life real.

The darkness imprisons you

You’re trapped in yourself.

The only thing that remains is an all encompassing pain and a single memory.

The landmine.

It has taken your sight.

Taken your speech, taken your hearing.

Taken your arms, your legs, your soul.

The world is gone, now you’re just ONE.

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