I Forgot the Dishes

It was a cold winter night, 5 years ago today, I had just been out on a major grocery shopping spree before the stores closed, and so I had a lot of bags to carry up to my apartment. I had been in quite a rush when I left my home so I didn't put on a coat, a jacket or even a sweater, only wearing a T-shirt and striped pyjama pants, which are the usual clothes I wear when I just relax at home. It was indeed very cold outside when I slowly carried the heavy bags of grocerys back to my apartment.

On my way up to my home, I saw a wrinkled old man slowly walking down the stairs using a cane as support. He stopped before me and just stood there, staring into my soul. His eyes were yellow, and there was red liquid dripping down his lips. I started to sweat, I was getting scared. The old man suddenly gave me an unusually big smile, exposing his teeth which looked like they were slowly rotting. He got closer and whispered in my ear: "Beware the spoon."

I was very confused, but remained silent as the old man started to continue his descent down the stairs, until he was finally out of my sight. I stood there for some time, processing what had just happened, but then I started to laugh, and it got worse to the point where my stomach was hurting badly. I thought to myself: "What the fuck was that all about? Who was that old coot anyway, and what was that about a spoon? That was priceless." An elder woman opened her apartment door and said: "Shhhh, what is your problem sir? People are trying to sleep here, do not make so much noise." I apologized and held back the laughter inside me while I continued to walk up to my home.

I took out the key to my apartment and opened the door, making sure to get the bags inside first as they were starting to feel very heavy. After carrying the rest of the bags up to my room I took of my shoes and collapsed on my bed that laid nearby. I couldn't stop thinking about the old man. "Spoon.. Spoon? That old man just made my night, and to think he actually had me worried at first." After a long and tiring laughing session, as well as a tiring day in general, I fell asleep.

I was woken up up in the middle of the night by a weird sound, it was unlike any other I had ever heard. It's hard to describe, but imagine a mix between a slurping sound and the sound of someone stepping on pink glass panes. I got up to see my fridge being wide open, even though I hadn't been in it since I came home. The sound had disappeared, but I slowly approached the fridge and was just about to close it when I stepped on something hard. I looked down to see what it was, it was a spoon.

"What the fuck, how did that get there?", I said with a high pitched voice. The spoon started shaking violently on its own and starting making that weird slurping noise again. I started to panic and ran back to my bedroom and hid under my blanket, hoping it was all just a bad dream. To my horror, I started hearing the noise getting closer and closer to my bed, and I decided to peek from under my blanket to see what was going on. The spoon was right next to my bed, it was levitating. I froze on the spot, shocked at what I had just witnessed, but it was about to get worse. My blanket was blasted off me by an invisible force and my clothes were ripped to shreds by the pressure, and the spoon was levitating right above my face. Then it did something I never would have expected to do, it started to speak. It yelled in a dark, angry voice: "YOU FORGOT TO DO YOUR FUCKING DISHES TONIGHT BOY! NOW YOU WILL PAY THE PRICE!". Suddenly, everything was starting to spin, I looked around the room and saw that everything was getting sucked into a dark void in the air right in front my bed, and I knew I would be going in there too. The spoon started laughing very menacingly and said: "Who's laughing now, bitch? Don't underestimate me, dishes have feeling too, you know?! Now sink into the endless abyss!" Everything went black. My body started to feel very hot as I slowly began to regain consciousness. I realised why I felt so hot, I was surrounded by an endless pool of lava, with only a small floating platform preventing me from falling to my death, I was not wearing any clothes either. A sinister voice said: "Welcome, newbie..". I turned around to see a gigantic red-colored spoon sitting on a throne above me. It said: "You've made a terrible mistake haven't you boy? I am the King Spoon, and you are currently in what you humans call "hell". You've certainly messed with the wrong spoons I can tell you that, and now you will learn your lesson. I will however give you a choice, either you will spend 5 years serving under me and my fellow spoon people and do whatever we tell you to do, or you can choose to go back to the human world, however I will drop you down into the lava below, and I'll make sure you'll burn just enough so you don't die, but you'll be horribly burnt for the rest of your life. What will you do?"

I chose to serve them, and it was indeed horrible. It varied between licking up the "bodily fluids" of the spoons, since there are no toilets in hell, to screwing King Spoon's goats to breed a mix between goat and human. It's now 5 years later and I am back in my home, it has been restored to normal, however I will never more be the same, I'm writing this to prevent other people from meeting the same fate as I have, so treat your dishes with respect, or they might do something very horrible to you. Have a nice life.

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