I didn't want a dog!!
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Here is a scary story that happened in 5 million years ago from today since yesterday tommorow 6 years ago. It is so scary that my grandma said 'Fuck off clarence' then my 6 year old sister left the house and went to her car
OK so this starts at the dairy when I went there and i haven't been there 0_0. I saw this indian woman and she gave me some icecream and it tasted like a pear with arms and legs that had just covered itself in bacon grease and also some duct tape. Anyway later that day I went home and when I was leaving home I saw my mum as I entered my house, so my mum is just standing there then she ran away and we were playing tag with the cats except they are dead possums that we fry up, as i put down my bag I noticed a subtle difference. Small, yet uneasy feeling. I sat down and looked at my mum, she was watching tv at this point. I said to her about how I went to the dairy tommorow and got some icecream and tagged jerry the cat on the way back so he was in. I tensed and lowered my brows, pulling closer to the balls of my feet ready to spring up and run as fast as I could. I watched intensly as the hilarious joke sunk in on my mum. A deep silence fell over the room and broke its legs. Even my dead possums were silent, I swallowed and broke the silence and its spinal cord was severed rendering it disabled. My mum looked up with killer instinct, the distinct smell of bird poo was all over my nose was on my mum, she stood up slowly and raised the knife, I leant forward ready to make a break for it when she screamed 'JERRY WAS ALREADY IN YOU IDIOT, MEANING THAT HE DOUBLE TAGGED YOU AND NOW YOU ARE IN' Now was the time, I sprung up and started trying to run on the wrinkly ballsacks on the bottom of my feet except they were aching sooo bad so i stood there helplessly. She lunged toward the brick wall to the left of me with her knife as I watched in disbelief, Her katana was now fully raised to the tree to the left of me, As my eyes widened I realised that she was about to smash the ferrari to the left of me with her axe that she was weilding. I dived in front of her to try and save her from the impending doom ahead of her swinging crowbar, but it was too late and I did a quadruple flip with perfect execution into the diving pool, the judges gave me a 10, She moved closer and closer to the giant salami stick, I clinched in preparation for the impact.. Luckily she didn't have commando pro on MW2 so she didn't lunge all the way and got quickscoped.. So we all live happily ever after until she bought a doge and named him henry and he ruined tag for us because he wasn't a dead possum so he ruined the whole concept and so we all died. So the morale of the story is always listen to your elders because they know everything ever, ever.... E,V,E.R... but then something else happened, my mum and the dog and me and chris and steven and patricia and louis all came back to life except it was different... there was hyper-realistic blood whenever you got cut and it used to be only 480p... and also skeletons pooped out when you went to bugger king.. So we went to disneyworld and we died (Discount this) because there was no oxygen or any means to support life and while I was dying and being ripped apart by the immense gravity a dolphin jumped out of the ocean and we stopped dying and then erased the bit where it said that we died and realised we were in sea world!! and then we started dying again because we were underwater -_- and hyper-realistic semen was pouring out of the dolphins blow hole in mid air and we tried to save ourselves except we all had attatched giant metal cranes to ourselves and so we sunk and then the hawaiian woman popped out and then happy feet saw and was like 'BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA' and then we realised we were in inception and leonardo dicaprio was headbutting some glass and falling into bathtubs backwards on chairs and flying around in hallways and jumping off of bridges in cars in super slow motion and we were like 'wtf' and then my mum flew off with leo and me and the dog started singing 'Soviet time, come on grab your comrades, we'll go to very, motherlands, vladmir bear and putin whoman, the vodka will never end, it's soviet time' and then we were in a Gary Larson comic and this guy said 'we are sorry to hear of your loss mister brown' and he was a brown guy that got bleached white so his name didn't make sense and then hyper-realistic baby bobby from king of the hill came over and we all looked at him like 'babies can't cum..' and then he made a cumbow (cum rainbow) and we had to cross it but we didn't realised that it ended at his dickhole so we jumped in and it was like Gears Of War in that one bit when you are in the giant worm, and there was crabs chasing us and carmine died and we said "THEY KILLED CARMIIIINNEE, THOSE BASTARDS" and suddenly we were witnessing snooky being molested by four hyper-unrealistic kids and then one yelled "FUCK OFF KYLE, YOU FUCKING FREAK" and so we helped and then the episode ended up being about how baby carriages aren't safe enough and the plot ended up getting fucking hilarious and retarded by the end, and the babies were put in those iron machines they used to use with only there mouths showing so they could breath and eat food, *sigh* you should have been there it is heaps funnier when you watch it" and we all went home but something had changed.. we were missing a dead possum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so we quickly sprinted to terabithia and then we had to make braised duck with a nice balsamic reduction, mixed with fettucine and some delicious cream of mushroom soup, but then the scary bit was that frank told us to get the cream of mushroom and we went out and we tried to milk the mushroom titties but then we had to battle them and it turned out that we were gay because it was hyper-realistic mushroom semen b0ss. We couldn't believe it so we went with fred phelps and he purified us for our sins and then we swam a lap of the pool because we accidentaly had sex with michael phelps and became more gay, we had got the wrong phelps, so then we played 'Were in the world is Fred Phelps?' and we won the game and he lost the game and we lost it too but you cannot quit, you just continue. And then Fred Phelps told us to gather the three elixirs which we should find around the world and we would be cured of our gayitude. So we set out on a mighty journey and the wonder pets were with us singing there song because we had to go to thailand and they were saving a baby monkey from being gang banged by three gorillas and so they shot them and their families and it was considered mass genocide in the millions so they were on the run and in their show they covered up the evidence and that was the first ever conspiracy about wonder pets... and so we were walking down the street looking for cabs except there was this one guy who said that we were cuckettos and we were so we got sad and walked down the street and then we heard a whisper from an alleyway "Hey girl wanna ride in my flying ship thing, huehue" so we got in and got free candy and it was the wonder pets and they told us what happened, suddenly we were at the college they live at, so we asked them why they live at a university?? wtf.. and they said that franklin was a stalker and donald the duckling was into hentai and the hampster cuck was bullied so he went back to college .. and then we remembered what Fred Phelps told us.. he said that the three elixirs were, stalker turtle, hentai duckling and cuck hampster. So we crushed the small helpless animals up into a pulp and rip snorted them. We were no longer cucks, but there was one problem (DUN DUN DUUNNNNNNNNNNN) we were in the university and there was hampster entrails, a birds beak and a turtles shell in the middle of the class room.. And exactly at that moment the students came nac and instaswapped into the door like "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM" and they saw the entrails and then the teacher lead them onto the trail and they walked it while singing "wheels on the bus are brown with faeces" and we let out our breaths in relief.. it was over, the war was done, and then they released a new cod game and we were like gosh dang it, but then as we turned around the THX theme song started blaring really loudly and it suddenly went in really fast motion excpet in normal time it was taking us 15 years to turn our heads around so it looked like we were going in slow motion even though we were going in middle motion.. Suddenly the Grudge from Ju on the grudge ran down the street as fast a possible and smashed into the wall of the university which killed her instantly, it was actually a really traumatic experience. I raised my brow at this and we realised that the kids that went on the entrail trail were now gay, we had to stop them from populating the world with their gay offspring so we fucked them, the world is now gay, but wait if possum is not dead the who was patricia? ILLUMINATI UNCONFIRMED, ISIS CONFUSED. the end by katipo and qreateful
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