I found an envelope with rules that weren't in the employment manual

I work at a company. I found an envelope with rules that weren't in the employment manual.

I opened the envelope that I had found tucked away at the back of my desk drawer. On the aged, yellow paper there was scrawled 8 simple rules. I skim read them and was absolutely terrified, and slightly aroused, by what I read. Immediately I went to my boss, Jeff.

"Jeff, I just found this list of rules in the back of my desk drawer! Am I supposed to follow them?"

"Were they in the employment manual?"

"No."

"Then... I wouldn't." Replied Jeff. "The employment manual is an entirely comprehensive legal document that we follow to the letter. There's no need to follow any other rules that you might find lying around."

"Fair enough."

"What do they say? Out of interest."

"Oh, just that I have to murder virgins and sacrifice their blood to the great god Imhotep."

"Anything else?"

"If I see a dead rotting baby climbing out of the toilet, I have to do anything it asks me."

"Well, do they sound like rules you should follow, Jimmy?"

"No, not really."

"Not really at all, Jimmy. Now get back to work. It's not like we haven't got enough on our plate at the moment."

"Tell me about it. The Johnson contract is closing next month."

"Exactly, the Johnson contract. Not to mention preparations for the Christmas party."

"Of course. We're both on the social committee and as such have to plan the party."

"Too right."

This is when I notice a trickle of thick black goo emanating from under the nearby men's toilet. As I watched it the door began to creak slowly open. Inch by inch a decaying, rotten face of an unusually obese baby appeared, its eyes locked angrily on mine.

"Kill Jeff." It barked, coughing up more of the goo. "Kill your boss Jeff. Now. Do it NOW!"

"Not until it's in the employment manual." Said Jeff, as he got up and pushed the door shut.

---

Credited to koalazeus 

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