I listened to a podcast about me
Bruh i was walking home one day and heard my own voice on a podcast. I loved podcasts. I still do. I listen to all of them, true crime, communist girls, boys who like making jokes, and most of all, 98 percent indivisible. This week i was listening to "what's in johns boot" when i noticed something. It was a true crime, about people who died or disappeared... it was saying something as i walked in the dark streets at 6 pm, one of those bike bars rolled by with 20 screaming ladies, the podcast said "AND THEN... DO NOT LOOK UNDER THE BIKE BAR" I said oh shit! I loked under the bike bar and there was not a lady, it was a dog, named crunky, I turn the podcast up immediately. AND THEN THE BOY HE WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET, SKIPPING DOWN THE ROAD WEARING SHOES, i look down at my feet, my legs are skipping, i am wearing black shoes, what is ging on.
Crunky is licking peoples feet under the bike bar and the ladies are all screaming "OMG WHOS DOING THAT LOLOLOL" "OMG ITS A DOG LLOLOL" the man driving it stops them and kicks crunky out. Crunnky puts his camera down and licks his lips and looks at me with a fire in his eyes. I start to pick up my pace. Crunky is now following me, he is gesturing like he is taking my shoes off and sniffing the inside of my shoes. Hes licking his lips and rolling his eyes back like hes in ecstasy and shuddering a little. The podcast said "NO ONE FOUND THE BOY AT 7pm HE WAS IN HIS ROOM.
A DOG WAS WALKING UP AND DOWN THE STREET, ONLY IT WASNT A DOG. THE BOY NEVER GOT TO SLEEP THAT NOGHT. HIS NAME WAS JOHNATHAN I said hly shit holy shit that is me! AND THE DOG WAS NAMED CRUNKY oh shit i better run! I ran all the way to the house. Crunky started to pick up the pace running like a bear trying to chase a piece of string. When i made it home i knocked on the door to be let in because my roomates took my key away because i kept loosing it. Only then did i notice the dog door on the front door! WHEN JOHNATHAN CAME HOME HE TRIED TO GET IN THE HOUSE BUT IT WAS LOCKED, WHAT HE DIDNT KNOW IS CRUNKY WAS ALREADY WAITING INSIDE HIS ROOM. oh shit oh shit! I called my roomate, hello please let me in? Im sorry for eating your delicious ice cream and then smoothing out the top like i never did it! Uhhh what? She said Im coming down. But dont do that.
Okokok i said!
I slowly crept up to my room
JONATHAN NEVER SAW WHAT WAS COMING TO HIM IN HIS ROOM. I turned my podcast off. I hated that shit!
I opened my door...
It wasn't crunky, it was bigdaddy from grindr wearing a long wig!
AND THEN JOHNATHAN HAD THE TIME OF HIS LIFE. BIGDADDY DID TOO.
Credited to boiledsassyfras
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