I think I might be a Giant

In school the kids always made fun of because I wore clothes made of goatskin and I ate rocks. I got back at them though, I ground their bones to make my bread. When I returned home I would squeeze through my mother's front door and, as she poured gallons of steaming pig's blood down my hungry maw, she would sigh wistfully, as thought she were keeping some dark secret from me.

When I was 18, I left for college. I failed almost all my classes. I spent most of my time sleeping while snoring comically loudly, while occasionally burping up the skeletal remains of errant knights. The only class I excelled in was building stonehenges. My skill in this department landed me a cushy job at Google, which has lots of gargantuan monoliths to dispose of for some reason.

I settled down in Silicon Valley and found a nice apartment balanced precariously atop a magical beanstalk. I never thought I'd live in a place like that, but something about it just spoke to me.

I met my wife in June of 2019. We have decided to try for a baby. She has just come home from the obstetrician's office and she looks like she's been crying. I'll just walk over to ask about the results of my DNA test...

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Credited to tiremanora 

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