I was possessed by the devil himself

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So I am a preacher in South Carolina and I want to share an experience I just had as a warning. The Devil is real, and he ruined my marriage.

So I was sitting there reading the Bible and all the sudden I felt the devils grasp. He pulled me over to my nightstand and revealed unto me a collection of DVD format pornography that I was totally unaware even existed.

"Not in my house Satan!" I screamed clutching my cross.

But his reach is only exceeded by his grasp, and boy did he have a grip on me. Under his control I put one in the DVD player (that is now tainted and must be burned by the fire of our lord) and perverted my screen with these most unholy of images.

At this point I'm both sickened and disgusted by what I see but that wasn't enough for old Mr. Devil. He pulled out a fleshlight and some other tools of the netherworld (a footlong abomination that he made me jam into my 'exit only' if you can pardon the euphemism) that were purchased with the funds of my trusting congregation.

This sick demon must have had control of me longer than I thought because (I'm told) shipping on these things can take 7-10 days and even rush shipping takes 2-3.

So the devil is watching this horrible filth through my eyes and really just working over my groinal and rear end areas with his tools of evil, like reeaaalllllly going at it from both ends, when my wife Nancy walks in.

"Help me my sweet," I yell to her, "I am under the devils control!"

"Not again Keith," she says unenthusiastically. "I'm taking the kids and going to my mom's. It's fine that you do these things but it's not ok that you broadcast it for the whole world to see."

It was at that time that I look over at our computer, or as I now call it, the sin box. The devil had apparently started a cam show under the name 'hornypreacher6669' that has amassed quite a following.

So basically what I'm trying to say is Nancy, I love you and miss you, please come back to me....

And everyone else be sure to follow me at hornypreacher6669. I do shows from 9-5 daily private shows for $20 per 10 mins #noboundaries #nolimits #sorethedayafter


Credited to grghbbs 

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