Imagine Dragons Pasta
This is a fictional joke story written by DaveTheUseless. Don't take it seriously, fellas.
Have you ever heard of the ontological argument? It has to do with the idea that if you can imagine something it must be real--someway, somehow, in some possible universe. That means that all sorts of creatures and whimsical places that we write in fantasy tales and record in Hollywood blockbusters are actually real. When it comes to such concepts as voluntary invisibility, ice cream mountains, and fun activities that never get exhausting, this can be quite enjoyable.
Now, imagine this: imagine dragons. They're fire-breathing beasts that take out entire legions of mighty seasoned warriors. With single puffs of the lungs, mighty shields and armors are nothing in comparison to the sort of damage these mythological monsters of apocalyptic doom can accomplish. There's literally nothing you can do to stop them.
And if the ontological argument can be proven true, then you've just sealed your fate. It may not be the end of you now, but in some far off, distant universe, it is. You have just murdered a parallel universe version of yourself. And to think that parents tell their children about the value of using their imaginations.
Now, the counter to all of this is obvious. Can't I just imagine that they don't kill me? Well, no, that isn't quite how it works: it's a matter of establishing positives, and not what isn't. It isn't about all possible mathematical occurrences, either. It's about concepts of entities, and things that aren't just adding on and adding on. You can imagine a creature that has scales and breathes fire, but try imagining a dragon per se. Something's missing, isn't it? Something is not quite right.
What it all boils down to is that not existing is inferior to existing. Being thought of or thought up is fine, but in order for something to really matter to us in the now, it has to exist in some sort of recognizable, concernable, physical--perhaps--way. Not counting stringing a bunch of concepts together--such as scales and fiery breath--it makes no sense to assume that something only exists in the mind. After all... where did that thing come from?
"But it isn't just about breath, and scales!", you cry out. "It's the wings, and the creepy, reptilian eyes! It really is just the accumulation of concepts, and therefore is just a creation of the human mind." Oh, my friend: you are so close! ... But yet so far. For I must admit...
Hahahaha! All this time I led you astray! Hahahaha! The ontological argument is bullshit! I am Zenu the Dragon from Planet Merciless XR93, and I came to your planet years ago, fighting your ancestors to near annihilation until I subdued them into inescapable submission, selectively breeding them. Both highly intelligent apes and reptiles have been living deep within the Earth's crust, evolving new lungs, harnessing, gathering radioactive energy like monstrous demonic warriors... and now, it's time. Hear me! Hear my battlecry! Whatever it takes, we will be on top of the world as the thunder reigns down on your heedless civilization we have harvested... for eons!
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