Impaleman 2: The Beginning of the Return of the Revenge of the Wrath of the Impaleman
...of the original story.
I thought the Impaleman had died when I killed him, but for some reason, he survived the murder that killed him.
When my dick spoke in the voice of a wise man, it said while spewing piss at me:
"Beware, for when you kill, the killed may not have been killed."
This means the Impaleman was not killed when I killed him.
We now know that the Impaleman is actually Tourettes Guy. But... did he survive?
He's Coming
[Missing image: Impaleman 2.png - Caption: "The Impaleman hiding in the woods."]
I hear strange sounds in the woods every night. I think he's stalking me.
Today, my window shattered when a taco was thrown at it at a very high speed. The taco had a note on it:
"YOU MAY HAVE KILLED ME, BUT I SURVIVED, AND YOU'LL PAY"
I killed the Tourettes Guy in Taco Bell. This note was on a taco that was thrown at my window. This is proof that the Tourettes Guy is back.
oh my god i'm so scared right now god help me why is this happening the tourettes guy was funny but now he's mean mom help me omgwtfbbq lol randomness i like pie this is so scary what should i do baricare my house lol i said baricare or should i kill myself to end the pain omg omg omg what to do what to do someone help call 911 stop the impaleman he's a meanie stalker mom help i'm scared please help me wise man dick share your wisdom and knowledge i need your urine-y advice oh god someone help help help help help furries bronies fnaf minions vore sonic shrek patrix spongebob seinfeld doctor who rainbow dash smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf zomg wtfbbqqs i need help help help help help your grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded for 999999999999999999999999 eternities
Okay, I need to get a wholed of myself.
So what if Impaleman is after me? It's not like he survived after he died when I killed him, right? ...right?
Mt. Impaleman no longer supports the ritual that opens the portal to Impaleman's dimension, for some reason. Now it's impossible to go to his dimension.
I'm going to wait for Impaleman to come to this planet again, and finish him myself.
I'm waiting.
Now.
The Wait
Impaleman sliced my arm off when I was sleeping today. Boy, typing is pretty hard with one arm. Do you think I should, like, maybe see a doctor? no...?
Still Waiting
k, enough with the new headlines.
It's pretty hard to catch Impaleman. He just comes and goes every ti- HOLY SHIT I SEE HIM OUTSIDE!
I have a crossbow, I'm aiming it at him right now through a crack on my door, he's just standing there in the woods, blissfully unaware of the pain I'll bring to him... (yes i'm typing everything that's happening right now again because i'm a dumbass autist)
and i fired!
The arrow hit him in the back. Pretty lucky shot, since the arrow could have ricocheted off one of the several spikes on his cloak. He fell to his knees and let out a painful shout: "OH, BOB SAGET! OOOHH!" why does he hate bob saget so much? :(
Okay, he's vulnerable now, I'm leaving the house, and running towards him.
Me: missed me, bitch?
tourettes guy turns around and looks at me
Tourettes guy: HUH?! YOU???
me: That's right. why do you keep stalking me? just fuck off, i'm sorry for killing you, ok? i didnt mean to
Tourettes guy: you ruined my life after i survived when you killed me, you'll pay for it now
me: but i said i'm sor-
tourettes guy tried to get up. he limped towards me very weakly while grunting, trying to pull the arrow out of his back. i just stood there
Tourettes guy: i... ugh... have... you NOW! argh...
i don't know if should run, or just... casually walk away
but i'm feeling a little violent today, so i fired another arrow and it hit him in the knee.
tourette guy: OUCH! motherfucker you hit me in the dick! I mean KNEE!
me: lol
my dick suddenly tingled and started speaking in that wise man voice again
lewis (yeah that's what i named him lel): STOP
me and tourette's guy: Huh?!
lewis: VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER! TOURETTE'S GUY, REDEEM YOURSELF, CONTINUE MAKING YOUTUBE VIDEOS, AND BRING BACK PEACE TO THE WORLD! DON'T BE THE IMPALEMAN ANYMORE!
tourettes guy: Huh... maybe I should go back to Youtube... being the Impaleman won't solve any problems in the world... Yes! I could start over, redeem myself, AND MAKE NEW YOUT-
i fired another arrow and it hit tourettes guy's chest and he died (4 real)
me: lol stfu
lewis: .......
me: what?
lewis: did you realize what you did?
me: uh yeah, i saved hte world
lewis: no! tourettes guy was going to redeem himself! i nearly saved a soul from evil, only to see him to die in your hands! he could've made more youtube videos for us both to watch together, sovvy commie! i loved him!
me: BUT WHAT IF HE WOULDNT HAVE REDEEMED HIMSELF FOR GOOD- wait, what did you just call me
lewis: uh... nothing
me: did you just call me sovvy commie?
lewis: no! i didnt
me: ...logicalpizza? YOU... ARE MY DICK?!
to be continued
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