Iron Man is Hot
*Crackle* *Crackle*
*Beep* *G note* *Brzzk*
*Chkka* *Chkka*
S**m *h*dy
That was the last thing I heard before the radio defied all known laws of aviation and flew out of the open window.
What did it mean, though? "*Chkka* *Chkka* S**m *h*dy?" I said out loud, though no one was listening. Also, what were those two words at the end that were obscured by electromagnetic interference?
I was very confused by the sudden transmission, I mean, I live on Mars so I don't receive radio transmissions often, you know? Anyways, if I were to receive a radio transmission, it definitely wouldn't be as weird as the transmission I just received. No one even knows I am on Mars, so how would anybody even think to try and contact me? Floored as I was by this event, I decided to simply wait and do absolutely nothing.
Just then, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. On my living room couch, there sat the famed rapper...
Drake...
And his stepbrother, Josh.
Now, no one, not even me, could have predicted this turn of events. I was so surprised by this turn of events that I dropped my custom made glass dildo. As it shattered on the floor, I turned to face the brothers.
"What-" I said as they cut me off.
"Yabba dabba doo! Yabba dabba doo!" they shouted in unison.
Fred Flintstone was my worst fear, so I opened my door and ran to my car. I forgot to mention, I don't actually live on Mars. I actually live in the Australian outback, which is quite similar.
As I got into my car and started to run down the highway, I realized this was actually Fred Flintstone's car! I immediately stopped running and got out. I then hailed a taxi. It was an odd looking taxi though. The license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything, it was probably rare. But I just decided to forget about that.
We finally pulled up to our destination, my aunt's house, at about seven or eight in the evening. I just yelled to the taxi driver that I may potentially meet him again. I looked at the house I was destined to inherit. After all that driving, I was finally here. To sit on my throne, as the inheritor of this house.
Anyways, you may be wondering why I made my way to my aunt's house.
Well, it turns out, she is a master sharpshooter. In fact, she graduated at the top of her class in the Navy Seals and she has over three hundred confirmed kills. If anyone can help me stop the rapper Drake and his stepbrother Josh, it is her.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" I screamed hysterically as I ran into the supersized burger of a house.
"¿Qué pasa, mi hijo?" my aunt, who is really more like a mother to me, asked.
"¡Drake y Josh me están persiguiendo!" I frantically told her.
"¡No se preocupe, pequeño, dispararé a esos cabrones!" She responded violently.
Just then, the rapper Drake and his stepbrother Josh approached us. My aunt proceeded to aim at the rapper Drake with her AWP. Unfortunately, they had backup. As soon as she pulled the trigger, the ogre known as Shrek leapt in front of the rapper Drake, shielding him from the bullet.
"WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING. IN. MY. SWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMP?" Shrek cried out with the force of a thousand winds.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Shrek powered up.
This would surely be the end of us. Shrek put all of his power into a punch and charged at mi tía. However, just when the plot got interesting, Slim Shady appeared! Using his magic powers, he erased Shrek from existence. Clearly, Slim Shady was my guardian angle and he was just trying to warn me about the obtuse beast known as Shrek. Right, that message acutely makes sense now. Slim Shady, exhausted from his attack on Shrek, fled the battle. It was just mi tía and me. My aunt readied her AWP, took aim, and fired. In two bursts, the rapper Drake's and his stepbrother Josh's lifeless bodies were sprawled on the ground.
I returned to my humble abode in the Australian outback and never heard from Slim Shady ever again.
Written by BiblemanIsSatan
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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