It was bin day but they didn't collect my bins

Another week rolled by and once again it was bin day. I dutifully emptied my waste into the big black sacks. They sat there in the front room looking like giant rabbit poos. I'd always been terrified of rabbits. Especially rabbits covered in strawberry jam.

"Today is bin day." I said to the bin bags. "You're due to be taken away."

"Please don't make us go to the landfill." Replied the bin bags. "It's so dark and cold there."

The bin bags had been speaking to me for about 6 years now ever since my wife Barbara died. I wanted to see a doctor about it but the bin bags said if I tried they would break my legs. I use my legs pretty regularly and don't enjoy the sensation of pain, so did what they threatened me to do.

"Ok, bin bags. What do you want to do instead?"

"We wanted to go swimming!"

"Swimming!? But, you're bin bags, you can't swim."

"Yes we can. Yes we can!"

Whatever, I thought to myself. If it shuts them up it will be worth it.

So I took them down the local leisure centre and did some laps. I got a few funny looks breaking in, but thanks to Covid the pool was empty.

Now, I don't know if you've ever gone swimming with a pair of bin bags, but it's harder than it looks let me tell you. And it looks hard. Plus they stink like shit.

Anyway, once they were tired out, I put them in the sauna and left them there. If they didn't want to go to landfill, fine, but I wasn't about to keep them forever. I'm not a weirdo.

The next day or so, I'd completely forgotten about the whole thing, when who do I get knocking at my door but the police.

"Mr Ralph Rafferton?"

"Yes, that's me. How can I help you officer?"

"Well, we've found the remains of your wife in two bin bags down the local leisure centre and they claim to belong to you. Say you left them there almost a week ago now. Does that ring any bells with you?"

"I can't swim."

"Need I remind you Mr Ralph Rafferton that not putting your bins out on bin day is a very serious criminal offence. One punishable by death."

"No, you needn't remind me of anything Mr Officer, but like I said I can't swim and so would have no recourse to be down at the leisure centre swimming with a pair of bin bags containing the remains of my now dead wife. Good day!"

I shut the door. But it would only be seven more days til bin day came round again.

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Credited to koalazeus 

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