Jake Paul Getth A Thaline Enema from Mike Tython

IT'S JUST A JOKE, BRO! The following page may contain outlandish humor regarding certain public figures or companies. The content of this website is purely fictional and satirical; what is presented in this story is false, and should not be taken seriously whatsoever.

And more importantly...

NSFW WARNING This page is not safe for work or school. The content of this story is not suitable for some audiences, and may be inappropriate to view in some situations... Or in all situations, at any time, any place, and by any audience for that matter.

I happened to be strolling through the wasteland that is Los Angeles, when it occurred to me that THE Jake Paul was creeping around. "OH BOY!" I thought, "Is today the day I get to show him what I'm made of?"

No! In fact, this proved to be a disappointing and disturbing day on several fronts.

To start, I turned a corner, and there I saw Mike Tyson with his phone in his hand. Frankly, given his past comments on Jake, I didn't want to know what he was watching. (Iykyk.)

He looked me in the eye and licked his lips. That's when I knew I had to leave. I ran for it, and surprisingly, he didn't give chase. Weird.

But still, the worst was yet to come.

After a bit of searching, I finally found him: Jake Paul. He was on top of the Eiffel Tower, which was moved from Paris to L.A. for some reason, dancing and spitting bars from his widely-despised song, It's Everyday Bro. God, dude was stuck in 2017.

"It's everyday bro with the Disney Channel flow!" he shouted at me rudely.

"Hey, Jakey," I replied, "Get down from here so I can beat your ass!"

"Nah bruh, it ain't you I'm up against!"

I squinted at him. How dare he say no to a fight with me? The very idea is absurd.

"Well," I began, "Who are you up against?"

"Mike Tyson, bro!"

That's when it happened. Mike Tyson emerged from the abyss.

"I got your ath right where I want you." he said.

"Fuckin bring it, bitch!" Jake barked back.

Then, completely unexpectedly, Mike pulled out some ointment, a thermometer, and... well, I'll let him finish this sentence for me.

"MIKE TYTHON'TH GONNA GIVE YOU A THALINE ENEMA!"

Jake was, understandably, really scared.

"NO, PLEASE MR. TYSON! I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU! PLAY WITH YOUR [redacted], ENGAGE IN [redacted], ALL THAT GOOD STUFF! JUST DON'T DO THIS TO ME!"

"Thorry, bitch. Today ith the day of retributhion."

He pulled Jake's pants down and readied the enema by coating it in ointment.

I, on the other hand, covered my eyes.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then, I woke up in my office. It was another nightmare. I knew I had to do something about this, cause I just couldn't keep sleeping on the job like this. I still had the new tape that came in that day to review.

Now, you might be wondering who I might be. I guess now's the perfect time to introduce myself.

...

Ryan Conley, FBI.

---

Written by Defiatron13391
Content is available under CC BY-SA

Comments • 2

Loading comments...