Jason Fourkeys

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...Or in all situations, at any time, any place, and by any audience for that matter.

I had a run in with the scariest man I ever seen in my life, his name was Jason Fourkeys and he lived in a dirty pond in my backyard. He found it amusing to come out of the water and scare ducks until they pooped all over him. He tried to be friendly with his neighbors, but people took one look at him and automatically thought he was too intelligent to be their friend. You see, Jason is scary because he is the smartest person in my neighborhood. With intelligence comes great power.

I once seen Jason petting a cat on the other side of the pond, after watching over him for about 15 minutes the cat began to twitch violently, transforming into the most intelligent creature I have ever seen in my life. It is said that the great white tiger still uses my bed as a bathroom every now and then.

Jason Fourkeys obtained his legendary name and persona from one day stealing a set of keys off me that went to my car, my basement, my television, and my legendary porn archives. He always targeted people with four keys on their keychain. He doesn't use the keys to access the doors, no, what he does is even more brilliant than what the keys were originally used for. He collects pairs of four keys, and lays them across four pieces of wood in my back yard and violently dick slaps each one of them. This is the most intelligent thing I have ever bared witness to. Nobody will ever want their keys again after witnessing such unmatchable intellect.

He then proceeds back into the murky 2 feet of water in my pond, where he swims freely with the other fish, whom I found lying on the sidewalk and had to beat into submission to be one with my pond.

One day Jason Fourkeys rose from that murky pond and proceeded to knock on my door. I was afraid to let the intelligent creature in, but proceeded to do so upon fear of the unknown. I regretted that decision for the rest of my life.

Jason barged into my house, pinned me against the wall, ripped his mask off and violently ripped off his pants and proceeded to cut his own penis off in front of me while looking at me with the most intelligent look I have ever seen. He is by far a legendary figure in my mind indeed!

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