Klonoa: Door to the Scary Fire Place

Did anyone ever truly hear of Klonoa: Door to Phantomile? It has never been discussed in the history of the internet. In fact, there has never been any fandom associated with the character nor his games. Neither has there ever been a group of fans who do their best to discuss the series. What is the Door to Phantomile? Will we ever find your Door to Phantomile? Is this malady of metaphysical malignancy ever electrifyingly emboldening the thoughtful, thorough use of a dejected player's imagination? Who could illuminate the pitiful plight composing this search for one's Phantomile?

Enough philosophy. It is time for me to regale you with the horrific tale of how I found my Phantomile. It all started when I found a sketchy garage sale run by a figure in a cloak and a weirdly colorful golden doctor's mask. I felt nostalgic, so I attempted to ascertain if he had a copy of Klonoa: Door to Phantomile for sale. I asked him as such, and he replied: "mwahahahaha" and spoke in an unknown language. I immediately understood that he was speaking in Phantomilian, so I Google Translated what he said. His words... chilled me to the very bone: that'll be 1 dollar. One dollar? For a game that nobody had ever known until this point in time? That was a steal! I asked for his name so I could exchange pleasantries with him. Oh dear Claire! I wish I could have prevented this genesis of a horrid contraption. A contraption in which concepts of life, morality, and humanity are void from reality. He said (in Phantomilian, of course) "my name is Ghaud Hious". I immediately went home to play the game.

As I walked to my basement, I felt a serious dread pierce my veins. There was naught but the sound of the creaking, old footsteps as I recalled the events that had previously transpired. The chilling words of that man felt as if they were knives scraping across my brittle form. As I approached my Playstation 2 and old CRT television set, I eyed my collection of games. The room was barely lit; there was naught but an obscured light coming from the door I had just opened. The atmosphere, combined with the words the man had said, spurred on an intense sense of terror within me. As I placed the CD in the empty tray, I steeled myself for the horrific fate I knew would befall me as soon as I booted up the game. I braced myself, anticipating a horrific malady of electronic dejection as the game booted up.

It was a normal copy of Klonoa: Door to Phantomile; nothing bad, evil, nor supernatural happened during my playthrough of the game. I would highly rate this game and Mr. Ghaud Hious as a seller a solid 9.8/10.

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