Legend of Zelda: Gateway to Hell

I'm a huge fan of the old Zelda games. One day I had an itch to play the original Zelda. I sold my copy to a friend a few years back so I didn't have one. I went on Craigslist and found a copy for free and I was all like Alright! I drove to the house and an old Chinese man gave me the game through the mail slot on his door. I took it home and immediately put it in my NES. I turned it on and when the game started up, it did not show the title screen or anythang. It started in the middle of the game. Only it looked kinda different. Nothing was where I remembered it, and all the water was dark red, like blood. There were know enemies, but there were dead people all over the ground. I continued on, thinking this was just a glitch. I walked like two inches and the next screen was the final boss and I was like what! How'd I get here?????? Only I wasn't fighting ganon, I was fighting satan! I couldn't attack him, my sword did nothing!!!!! Then when he klled me. the game over screen came up, only it was red, like blood. And instead of game over it said "COME JOIN ME IN HELL" I immediately freaked out and took the game out. I decided to play something else to calm my nerves. I put in mario 3 because that games fucking awesome, but when I turned it on the red game over screen came on with a bunch of pentagrams and triple 6s. I immediately turned it off and put in another game. This time, Super C. I turned it on, but the red game over screen came on again, this time with the message, "WHAT, YOU DON'T WANT TO PLAY WITH ME?" I tried to take the game out but it wouldn't work. The super c tape slowly turned into a red Zelda tape. Red like blood. The controller wires wrapped around my neck and tried to strangle me. Blood squirted out of the TV andmade a pentagram on me. The words on the screen changed to, "JOIN MY DEATH CULT, MORTAL!!!!!" I screamed. I quickly grabbed the Nintendo Zapper next to my nes and shot the nes and cartridge. To my surprise, it worked. I was saved. I was so relieved that I gave that cursed game to my friend as a funny prank. That concludes my story, goodbye.

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