Lottabongplant 3

If you did not know, I am a huge fan of the LittleBigPlanet series. I've owned every game and I've bought every DLC. I have aced all of the levels and collected all the prize bubbles. When I heard that there was a new LittleBigPlanet game coming to PS3 AND PS4, I was etastic. This game was called LittleBigPlanet 3.

I was a little sceptical that another developer would be handling the game now, but I still had high hopes. Around launch day, my local game store did not have any copies of the game left. I was a little sad, but I eventually shrugged it off. In the months that I waited for the store to receive copies, I read some reviews of the game online. It was reported that the game was glitchy as all hell, but I still wouldn't care. I probably would still have fun playing LittleBigPlanet 3.

Around December, the store had announced that they recieved a copy. I jumped up in excitement as I heard the news, and instantly ran off to buy the game. Once I went into the store, I searched the store for LittleBigPlanet 3, but it wasn't there. The store had made a mistake of announcing that they had gotten copies of LittleBigPlanet 3 instead of LittleBigPlanet 2. I walked out of the building, until I saw an old man selling what looked like to be video games. The man came up to me and asked if I wanted LittleBigPlanet 3. I replied with "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FUCK FACE, I'M NOT GOING TO BUY ANY OF YOUR SHIT."

As I parked my car in my garage, I noticed that our mailbox had mail in it (because that's where mail goes, you fucking idiot). I opened the mailbox and there was a CD case with a note attached to it. The note said "DO NOT PLAY THIS FUCKING GAME. With care, Zach." I examined the CD case further, in which the CD said "no seriously don't fucking play this game you god damn idiot." Heeding Zach's advice, I didn't play the fucking game and threw it in the trash.

It was finally Christmas, and I only received one thing. The present was in the shape of the CD case that I mentioned earlier. This time, the note said "you're going to play the game now because the fucking stupid ass shitface of a writer told you so". I then popped the game into the PS3.

Instead of getting the normal intro cutscene for the game, I got the entire Bee Movie. The subtitles were as if they were from the actual movie, as well. After the cutscene (which was completely unskippable because fuck you), it loaded the intro level. Everything was normal... EXCEPT the fact that the "Special Thanks to Media Molecule" part was removed from the level. Once I went into the next story level, it was instead a shitty shark survival level. The regular dying animation was replaced with an animation of Sackboy hanging himself because of this awful fucking community he has to deal with. The next level was a shitty roleplay level. I was playing as Toggle. The only piece of furniture there was a closet. I opened it AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT.

The game magically reset itself. Instead of the Bee Movie intro, it was one of the characters in-game. It was Marlon Random. He had HYPER REALISTIC BLOOD ALL OVER HIM BECAUSE THAT'S HOW VIDEO GAMES WORK. All he could say was "Did you know you can scamper up walls?" He did this on repeat for 69 weeks. I couldn't exit the game, or turn of the system, or eject the disk, or unplug the system, or smash the system with a hammer, or smash the TV with a hammer, or get rid of it by not paying for the electric bill, or leave the room, or kill myself.

After the cutscene ended, the intro level was now replaced with an empty level. I walked all the way to the end of the level, and Marlon Random was once again present. He said "Aw nuts, a plot twist!" The entire universe exploded.

THE FUCKING END.

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