MINECRAFT: The Show
Do you guys know about Minecraft? The massively popular sandbox game created by Markus Persson? You probably have. Well, I bet you didn't know that there was a television series based off of it. Seriously, between 2011 and early 2014 a show simply titled "Minecraft: The Show" played on several children's TV stations from 12:00 PM to 3:00 AM (Mountain Time). Yeah, I know. Why would they play a kid's show at such strange hours? We'll get to that later.
Anyways, Minecraft: The Show was usually just small skits of a CGI-animated Steve having several adventures and getting into shenanigns. Steve didn't have a voice, he only made handmotions and his thoughts where told through thinking bubbles. But that was before season 13 aired, in which the episodes became thrity minutes long, voice actors where hired and the TV show's imagery was updated to look like Minecraft, only hyperrealistic. These were the following episodes that aired...
The Episodes
Episode 664- The Great Pig Race
The episode begins with Steve pulling on his leather gear, humming to some goofy 70's song (kids would probably find it hilarious). He then turned to his wolf, "Welp, Sphinx! It's time for me to compete in the great pig race!" Now, I wouldn't have thought most of this episode, just Steve and some villagers racing around and dorky pigs through several biomes, until the end. That's when one villager punced Steve in the face and yelled at him. "You cheating mothafucka!' The villager's voice was very hyperrealisitc. Then Steven killed the villager with his mind, the villager began squirting hyperrealistic blood out of his eye sockets. The episode ended with Steven turning to face the camera, smiling.
Episode 665-Herobrine and the Diamond Heist
This began with Steve and Sphinx (the wolf) mining for diamonds in a huge ravine. Steve was moonwalking until Sphinx yelled, "Bitch please, I could dance circle around you!" Steve yelled at Sphinx and pushed him down the chasm, laughing and shitting himself. Sphinx died, and his hyperrealistic spine snapped. Then Herobrine jumped out of the hyperrealistic lava and attacked Steve. Steve was like "WTF Man!" and Herobrine yelled "I'm going to spit in your asshole!". Steve then started running with the diamonds he magically gotten to make the story progress faster and ran away turning to the screen and laughing. The episode ended with static.
Episode 666- ...
This episode was just a static screen for the majority, with only three video clips inbetween. The first was Steven shitting himself and crying. The second was Steve attempting suicide, only to stop before he could. The third was Sphinx jizzing on Steve's bed to get back at him. The episode ended with a hyperrealstic face with a hyperrealistic smile, grinning at the auidence.
The show went off air until Febuary, 2014.
Episode 9001- Episode 9001
This was a five minute clip of Steve yelling "It's over 9000 thousand!" before a monster jumped out and killed him in a very graphic way.
Aftermath
All the children who wacthed these episodes played with scissors and killed themselves with bars of soap, painting the message "MINECRAFT IS LOVE, MINECRAFT IS LIFE" in there blood. Naw, I'm just joking. Nothing really happened, everyone just thought these episodes where shitty Family Guy rejects.
And then a bloody, gory, slenderman, jeff the killer, hyperealistic, minecraft Skeleton popped out.
Written by Assassin Angel
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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