Madam X
I never told anybody, nobody would understand..
Then I found this site, in englisch, not my language, so I'll hope you can read between the lines and share my fear!
How can I explain in a language that's not been learned to my by birth, I have to use other words for something I cannot even write or tell in my own language.
Still I will try, please read my story, perhaps you can help me, perhaps not, just try to understand!
I'm working with the elderly in a nursing home, I am working there as a male worker, most are female, I think that is the case in most nursing homes with the elderly. So, what I do is taking care of 20 elderly people, patients and wash them, help them, take care of there every need. The live in a closed enviroment, because the have alzheimer disease or other mental diseases inflicting their memories and state of mind. The patients I work with are old, very old, their minds and understanding of what goes on around them are totally gone in most cases.
The are locked up, 20 people on two levels, 10 people a level! They can't get out, there is are closed doors with a codeslot, you have to be able to know the code to get out. Most of the patients I care for want to get out, want to go outside looking for relatives or familymembers who died years ago or just don't visit anymore. A lot my patients don't see any family or friends, most give up or can not deal with this disease, Alzheimer is most common.
I think It's sad! I see daily the suffering of loneliness, most of my patient never accepted their disease, they die fighting, fighting what the have lost in their minds and never accepthing. But not everyone, some come to accept their fate and try to make the best of it, even if their minds are failing them, They work on the things they still can and not dwell on the things the can not do anymore...
Anyhow, that was madam x, a patient who tried to enjoy the last years of her live, instead of complaining or giving up. But even madam x, came to her end and so changed my live.... foreverer!
She was dying in my nightshift, so I was there, the night it happened....
Curse my bad englisch, how can I explain, the loss of sleep, the terror of that night....
I can not do this today, not now, because tommorow I have another nightshift, I fear, fear for my live...
But I can not abbandon my patients, It is my calling, to help the sick and make them feel better...Who Wants to Die?
Credited to Gerard006Bond
Originally uploaded on August 24, 2011
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