Mambo Number 666

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One day, I turned on a song that my friend recommended to me. Its album cover had that half-breed Lou Bega with devil horns, and it said "Mambo Number 666" at the bottom of it. It had a black background, just like Bega did. I was concerned that it would suck, but I took the disk out and played it on the stereo.

The song started with a musical interlude, and you heard Lou Bega counting down. He said for his friends to come into his car and drive to the liquor store. However, he rigged a car bomb, and it killed all of them. He started singing to the dead vestiges: "A little bit of Monica... a little bit of Erica... a little bit of Rita... a little bit of Tina... a little bet of Sandra... a little bit of Mary... a little bit of Jessica... and a little bit of you makes me your killer!" I wanted to shut the song off, but my machine broke. All I heard was the song looping over and over again. I decided to commit seppuku with a cucumber to end my suffering. But I have not yet said my last words. "Shrek is love. Shrek is life". Then, I jutted the green sabre into my abdomen and a mixture of the yellow pickle juice and blood gushed down my body as I stood over the gramophone. It dripped onto the machine, electrocuting it and my body. When I arrived in Hell... oh sheeyat! It was Lou Bega, holding a pitchfork, and when he noticed who I was, he closed the gates of hell and spit a fat loogie on me.

The End.


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