Mario Kart DS: Original Version

Hullo. My name is Ben Dover.

I was browsing through the games section of my local thrift store when I came across a DS game with a torn label. I was curious to see what it was, so I brought it up to the cashier. It came up as $0.01. I was amused. A game? For a Penny? I said goodbye to my penny and sped over to my $1,000,000,000 mansion.

When I got home, I noticed that it said, in permanent marker "Mario Kart DS: Original Version" I popped the cart into my Limited Edition Brown and White Swirled DS and booted it up. It said the DS slot was empty. I assumed it was a glitch and tried again. And again. And again. 68 times. Then it finally worked. It had a black icon and read "MarIo kRAt dS" I chuckled mildly at the misspelling. I started it, but the selection noise became earrape and nearly busted my earbuds.

The Game

The title screen was rather barren, as it was supposedly an Original Version. The music started out odd. it sounded like a bad, laggy emulator was trying to play it. Only a few seconds in, EXTREMELY LOUD BEEP BOOPS STARTED SPILLING FROM MY DS. I immediately ripped my earbuds out of my ears. I made a Custom Emblem of a Yellow Smilely face. I went to choose my character. There was only Mario, Yoshi, Peach, and Bowser. It was a beta or something after all. I chose Peach because she was my main. I got to the Cup select and chose the Mushroom Cup. I noticed that it was much quieter, so quiet it was silent. The game plopped me into the Figure-8 Circuit, and I waited for Lakitu to start the race. 5 minutes in, he still wasn't there. I waited an entire 2 HOURS until that lazy bum finally decided to show up. It caught me off guard and I was left in dead last. I started going. The race went fine for the first lap, but by the second, the track began to change. At first the other racers, the itemboxes, and textures began to vanish, leaving it a cold, dead landscape. Then, by the third, the track itself was beginning to turn into a black void. Despite this, I managed to complete the race. Albeit, in last. Glitching noises played instead of the normal losing theme. Despite how creeped up I was, I was too Autistic to realize that I should stop playing. I moved on to Yoshi Falls, but befor the race could start, the screen went black and sounds of realistic screaming overtook the joyful music, it was both horrifying and hilarious at the same time. Suddenly, my DS started turning a Blood Red, and Sparks and Blood spew out of every crevice of my console. I grabbed a freaking gun and shot the DS until it stopped making any noises and stopped spilling blood onto my super expensive carpet. When I picked it back up, it had red Russian text roughly translating to "All hope is lost, kill yourself you motherhecking retard" and cried. AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT

Aftermath

the skeleton and I have become besties.

I realized I forgot to throw away the cartridge.

My DS turned on, but it wasn't me.

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