McDonald's Trollburger

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Imagine. Imagine being served a hamburger, but instead of it tasting good, it makes you want to throw up and commit virtual suicide. That's the McDonald's Trollburger.

It's basically 18 all-beef patties stacked together, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, tomatoes, mayonnaise, tartar sauce, ketchup, mustard, horseradish, hot sauce, mashed potatoes, sour cream, bacon, barbecue sauce, peanut butter, chocolate spread, ranch dressing, blue cheese, swiss cheese, cheddar cheese, goat cheese, applesauce, maple syrup, mushrooms, steak sauce, onion rings, fried eggs, whipped cream, rice, pickle relish, vanilla pudding, olives, banana peppers, spinach, baked beans, shrimp, pork chops, carrots, and a bunch of other CRAP squashed together between two sesame seed buns. What the fuck were they thinking?

I tried this nasty abomination during a test market, and it was as bad as it sounds. I definitely couldn't eat the burger all together.. I had to keep splitting it up. The ingredients, like I said before, made me want to throw up. Who puts apple sauce with ranch dressing? I couldn't believe it.

Then, the McDonald's rep asked me if the Trollburger was to my liking. I told him it was the worst thing I've ever eaten. He frowned at me and snapped his fingers, and told his people to send "him" in. Who was "him"??

In moments, PATRIXXX walked through the door and grabbed the remains of my Trollburger, and ate it all in one bite!! He said it was delicious. Then, he said that I won a free sandwich. It turned out to be a knuckle sandwich!

PATRIXXX started beating me up and knocking me all over the room in a rage. Then I realized something. This wasn't PATRIXXX. It was EVIL PATRIXXX! He beat the ever-loving shit out of me... and whirled me to the floor one last time before I got knocked out.

I'm writing this from the hospital. I barely survived. Every time I think of the Trollburger, I get sick, and feel EVIL PATRIXXX's punches all over my body...

...fuck you... McDonald's...

Written by Meaty
Content is available under CC BY-SA

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