My Horrible Day
I was walking home from school one day earlier not too long enough ago when I felt odd. Very odd. Very very odd. It was almost as though my pants has become unzipped. I went around triying to find who did this to me and put a stop to it.
Silly me, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Kramer, named after my father's favourite character in the 90s sitcom Seinfeld, which he watched as a teenager. I am 14 years old and very good with the martial arts. I live in New York but want to live in Japan one day and my favourite food are rice balls. Physically, I am 5"7, I have green eyes that I swear are yellow when I look in the mirror, and I died my hair blue for my 13th birthday. Shows I like include Death Note, Doctor Who, Lucky Star, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (yes I'm a brony, don't tease me about it), The Simpsons (obviously just the first 10 seasons), One Punch Man and Azumanga Daioh.
When I founded this man his name was George. He looked at me and said "So your name is Kramer." We talked for a bit and found things about each other out. I had pepperoni pizza for lunch, he had a macro fetish, I like music, he likes video games. I walked home, thinking that he was a strange man, and I went to bed the next morning I wake and brush my teeth but felt my zipper come undone again. I sense the George in the air again. He appeared right to the mirror and introduced me to how he did it.
"Allow me introduce to you the Visu-Helmet, it allows me to warp reality based on what I'm thinking about" he said. "Can I have a go with it?" "No." We walked outta the bathroom and went on a date to the Ice Skate rink, obviously a straight date, we aren't in love or anything. He told me there that being calm solves everything, and then we walked home.
After months of going on these outings, and the same words coming out of Geroge's mouth, I got curious about the Visu-Helmet. What else did he do with it? Did he kill anyone? Slaughter anyone? Gasp rape anyone?
I walked into his bedroom one night and hatched an idea. Suddenly, a lookalike of me stood next to me with the Visu-Helmet and gave it to me then Exited the room. I stepped a bit, used the Visu-Helmet to reverse time and give it to my younger self before heading out the door, providing a stable time loop.
I tried to do all the basic things first, so I went outside and flew into the sky high enough to see the entirety of New York behind me. Unfortunately, it started burning for no reason. Guess the reason was because I thought about all the bright lights emenating from the lights and it drew my mind to fire. I wished for help, and before I knew it, I was flying again and before long I had found a peculair contraption in the sky.
It was a British 1960s phone box flying through the skies with me. I walked inside an saw Doctor Who, but no one's called him that since 1981 so I call him The Doctor. He didn't say anything to me, but he took me back down to Earth. I walked back out the TARDIS doors and suddenly I was in Jerry Seinfeld's apartment, but it was evil and spooky-looking.
Suddenly, Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer all came chasing after me with knives and chainsaws as Iran down a long corridor. It was a long corridor but I noticed George Costanza was a skeleton. Perhaps is means something. Did it mean something about my George? Is it about the supposed rapture? It was during this moment that I realised that him being called Geroge and me Kramer might habe something to to with me on a philosophical level. I felt like I was about to die? Perhaps me whole life has been leaning on the Seinfeld series and I just didn't know it?
When I finally made it to the end of the corridor, I found myself in the outskirts of what appeared to be the Mushroom Kingdom. I tripped and found a wierd-looking girl about my age. She said that she had been here and been building an empire to rid this world of slavery for 3 years. Before she even told me who her empire was, I assembled my own empire using the Visu-Helmet which consisted of Mario, Pinkie Pie, Sakaki, Bart, One Punch Man and all regenorates of The Doctor (plus two 5s because he's useless in battle). However, this went too far and the burning New York came around, reality was collapsing because I was using the Visu-Helmet for too long. Seeing as how my Geroge would've gotten mad at me, I also made a 100 foot tall Twilight Sparkle to keep him busy.
In the burning city, the characters (plus my new girlfriend) went to battle with all their respective enemies (Bowser, Discord, Principal Skinner, The Cybermen), and I fought the Seinfeld cast using a katana. I only now noticed that Elaine and Kramer were also skeletons, but Jerry was still normal and evil and stuff.
He got into a giant mech. I got into a giant mech. Before long, we were having a giant robot battle across a burning New York. Right when I was about to beat him, as angry as I'd ever been, sobbing against my blue spiky hair, Howard the Duck descended from the Heavens speaking George's words of wisdom, that I had to be calm to win the battle. So I got out of the mech and did the greatest thing of all.
I turned into a katana and beat Jerry Seinfeld using my martial arts, effectively saving the entirety of New York, as well as the day.
I woke up, still a katana, in my bed as my new girlfriend was norting me back to health. "By the way, I forgot to ask your name". I said. She said the greatest words I'd ever heard, "MCCP", and I kissed her. I wanted to get married to her.
1 week later, I got hit with clinical depression and found out something about my life. The doctors said my heartbeat has always been in rithm with the Seinfeld theme song, but now that Seinfeld is dead, it gave me depression. After a funeral service, I just wanted to pull the trigger, but posted one final on Facebook, an Expand Dong of Seinfeld reading "end my life".
The author died from a gunshot shortly after posting this. This was the most horrifying thing I had ever read, and I need to post this hear to spead the word. Never kill anyone, because you might find out you have a special link to them once it's too late.
Credited to FilthyRam
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