My Little Angst
Hello, my name is Hannah Alexis, and this is my tale of the cruel facts of life.....it's a long thing, full of pain and suffering, things such as stains and long lines........make life a total hell. Every day I wake up, and think horrible thoughts: What if the mall closed down today? What if my I-phone cracked? What if those fabulous jeans I bought are too tight? These thoughts plague my soul, making the fabric of my being weep at the eternal DAMNATION of life. One time, I was on social media, and somebody called me chubby.....I died inside, so I started watching Jeff the killer X Slener porn, while eating a huge tub of ice cream. My mom came home, and she told me off for eating too much ice cream, fucking bitch, it's not like like she has to work for food, only for me to eat everything. I started to listen to my One Direction albums, their generic songs filled my soul with ease, as I'm smart enough to know that they're really talking to me, it's not like they don't know who I am and could give less of a shit that I exsist, heavens no! My life is also complet shit, I got stains on my FAB shirt yesterday, I cried and bitched to my mom, and she didn't even give me any new pair of pants! THE FUCKING ABUSISIVE WHORE, I cut myself that day, and I got blood all over my FAB jeans that cost 200$, fuck life, LIFE IS SHIT!!!
I wish I could clean the depraved apple of society, the MEAN people that call me names, I wish I could kill them all. One guy at school gave me CRITICISM, THE BASTARD!!! He said that the shirt I was wearing was a little too tight, and that I might get in trouble with the school officials, FUCKING ASSHOLE!!! I still remember the tubs of ice cream I ate that night while fapping to more JeffXSlender porn. See the suffering life is? The pain of people trying to help. The pain of eating too much and having an intestinal explotion?
My dad died the other day........but I GOT A NEW PAIR OF SHOES, SO WHO GIVES A FUCK!!!
That's it! I've had it, I'm going to embrace death's cold chill, and emtomb myself in the selfish whispers of the angels of hell, because my life has took a turn for the shit. My boyfriend BROKE UP WITH ME, he said some crap about how I'm "A pretentious retard, and that I only care about myself." So now I'm in the bathtub, with a razor in my hands, and I'm about to cut my wrists so I can finally meet the eternal lord of the darkness himself, the prince of choas the world round....................Jeff the killer. But then, I remembered something from one of my Creepypasta fangirl club meetings: "If people mess with you, or give criticism to any popular Creepypasta character, bitch and moan, until they leave, then prance around like you've won." But no, this is not the help I needed, so I got out of that bathtub and read more Creepypasta to try and see if I could find something to help me. Then I reread one of the most classic Creepypastas ever.....Clockwork:Your Time Is Up, it's such a wonderful tale, so much drama and so much sorrow, I felt bad for the main character, as she had a terrible family just like mine. As my mom tells me I can't do things, my dad takes stuff away from me, and he says it's because I'm "Ungratful for what I have." Did I just make a plot hole by implying the dad's still alive? FUCK YOU, YOU CAN'T CRITICISE ME, I'M POPULAR AT SCHOOL, THUS MAKING ME IMMORTAL!!! And my btother teases me.....like a normal brother......the bastard.
So after reading great stories like Sonic.EXE and Bloody Painter, making fan art, and fapping to said fan art, I knew what I had to do, I had to become a Creepypasta killer, so I can take all of these motherfucking dicks and show them the error of their ways, BY MURDER, IT'S MASTERFUL!!! I grabbed a spoon and headed out.
I got a knife, and I cut my ears off, so I won't hear the cruel mockery of society's cruel dark shawdowness, then I cut my eyes out, so I no longer have to view this bullshit world, then I cut my nose off, so I no longer have to sniff all the foul pollution of this horrible world. I walked out the street, and saw a homeless man, he was missing an arm and a leg, and was alful skinny, he asked me for change so he could have a better life, it pissed me off, my life is shit, nobody has to suffer like I do and people like this come along, and ask for change, UGH!!!
I went to my school, and found some of the people that called me names and gave me advice and critisism, the first was the boy who said I was wearing my shirt tight. I smiled at him, and started to laugh. "HaHAHahAHhaHhhaHAHhahAHh*COUGH COUGH* hhahahahhahahahHAHAHAHHAHAHA" Then he spoke: "HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE???" I did a spin attack with the spoon, cutting him in half, there was blood coating everything, then with the speed of light, I decapitated several people while screaming: "MY LIFE IS SHIT, YOUR LIFE IS OVER!!!!" I remember the sweet smell of unrealistic violence that was conventioned before me, all the sorry assholes that dared bother me were now begging me to stop, but no, I rampaged though the school, cutting people in half with my spoon, which I named Jeff. I remember bashing one guy's head in with the spoon, causing his brain to splooge out of his nose. I had never felt so alive, with all this death, I was coated in blood, the blood coated my rainbow hoodie which I was of course wearing.
I found the last person at my school, I backed him up into a corner, and I said: "My life is shit, your life is over." Then he spoke. "Really? How the hell can you even see? You cut your eyes out, and you're bleeding like a motherfucker, how are you alive? And oh how original, you're wearing a hoodie." He then put on a monocle and started to smoke a pipe. "Bitch please, people deal with may worse than you will ever, and he wanna kill everybody that disagrees with you and gives you critisism? Fuck you, just get the fuck out of my sight." I started to cry, this asshole gave me the ultimate critisism.....so here I am, back in my bathtub, while eating a tub of ice cream. "Life is a cruel mistress." I said, as I got my spoon out and started to cut my throat out........
Now I'm dead, and I'm writing this to warn you about the horrors of life, but at least Satan was nice enough to make me a demon. So now I can kill people however I please, so if you hear the sounds of bitching or moaning, you'll know I'm there.
My life was shit, now your life is over.
Written by CrazyHyena
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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