My Name Is...

Okay, let's just get this clear, straight off the bat. We can all agree that some things are plain stupid. And then there're the things which are stoopid with two "o"s. A good deal of the stuff on TikTok can arguably be placed in both. Why? Because now when I hear the word "chicken", even if it has nothing to do with the fowl animal, a little musical ear worm tries to burrow through my brain: "MY NAME IS CHICKY. CHICKY CHICKY CHICKY." I think of the sheer mindlessness of the whole thing and the people dancing to it in a trance. What have we become as a species? "MY NAME IS CHA-CHA. CLAP, CLAP, CHA-CHA-CHA!" I think of the young woman being devoured by her domesticated hound without mercy, a Cerberus straight from Hell, as her family just carries on dancing to the song in sped-up motion. "MY NAME IS CHICKY!" "MY NAME IS CHA-CHA!" Only the views matter at this point. Over 19 million, huh? I've watched Percy Jackson. I can say that they're Lotus-eaters, all of them. "MY NAME IS BOOM-BOOM. BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!" the woman strains to say in tempo with the song, frantically flailing her arms — to dance the dance movements, but also to escape. But it's no use.

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