My wife is losing it and I think it’s my fault

In all my 15 years of marriage, I never thought I'd be in this situation. I'm hiding under my couch, praying it doesn't find me, even though my phone has a really bright screen. I know it's an emergency, and I probably shouldn't be writing to a bunch of sixteen year olds on a goddamn social media website, but I make comically poor decisions.

It all started about two weeks ago. Me and my seggsy wife were out on a walk when I noticed something. A flower, growing out of her foot. I told her about it, but she laughed it off and made a meme reference because she's quirky and not like the other wives. I laughed too, and we continued on our walk.

The story didn't end there, however. My seksy wife who totally exists started to misplace things, even essentials like potato mashers and gravy boats. When I asked her about her carelessness, she shrugged it off, and then sang a little song or something, I don't know how women behave. Nevertheless, I didn't worry about it much.

Things only got worse from there. She eventually stopped getting out of bed, and all she did was sing. I had to order takeout all by myself which is such a pain, and her songs sucked major ass. But, she was still my smokine hotte wife, who is not a fantasy I play in my head as I fall asleep, and I put up with it because I'm a Nice Guy. (Ladies please take note.)

One day I woke up, and saw a massive thing of leaves and flowers on my bed. I screamed in a manly way, and pushed it off the bed. Then I realized it was my wife! She started singing a really creepy song. With chills running down my back, I realized my wife wasn't the male fantasy I created, but rather a forest nymph! I started crying and shaking vigorously, which is a normal reaction to scary things. I ran under the couch, and that's where it ends. Please help me she isn't a good sing-

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Credited to CrazyZebra14 

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