Need to piss
after running a 566.7 mile marathon from louisiana to texas, i was extremely exhausted. i needed water immediately or else i would dry up and turn into a tortilla chip that's been lying on the sahara desert floor for 8 decades. as i looked around there were crowds surrounding me. i didn't know where to go. i pushed and shoved between the hordes of people, in desperate need of liquid. at this point i could literally drink anything as long as it hydrates me. as i made it halfway out of the crowds, i had a feeling lurking on me that i was about to collapse and pass out. i felt like i could die at that moment. that i would pass away of dehydration. i looked like the grey grandma from spongebob, i couldn't handle this pain inside me anymore. and there it was, a whole pack of plastic water bottles. but it was far away. i RAN as fast as i could, becoming even more dehydrated at the second. every blink it just felt i was running backwards and the table of plastic water bottles just kept moving farther and farther away from me. i couldn't even cry anymore. i was as dry as sandpaper. no tears fell down. my eyes were bloodshot red and even if i blinked i could not lubricate my eyes. i was a pinky toe away from death. an extremely dry death. but before i knew it, i was close to the table. i tried to run faster but my ankle broke. i screamed in agony and fell to the floor. but i couldn't die like this, even though it might go down in history, or even win a guinness world recold for the most dryest, fatal death of all time. i picked myself back up. i could hear my bones rattling and i was shaking. i FINALLY reached the table. the marathon helpers staring at my pale skinny dehydrated body as i slammed my arm onto the table and grabbed 9 water bottles and dumped it all over me and in my mouth. i still was dehydrated and it just felt even worse. i kept drinking and drinking any liquid i could find. then it hit me like a wrecking ball. my bladder was rapidly expanding. i needed to pee so bad, it was even worse than anything ever. it felt like i could pee out of every single one of my holes like someone squeezing a wet sponge. i had no idea where the bathroom was so i asked the marathon helpers. "WHERE IS THE BATHROOM," i yelled at them in a raspy, almost incomprehensible voice. they pointed to the right. i sprinted to the bathrooms and barged into a bathroom stall. i didn't realize someone was inside of the stall. "HEY! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!?" i punched them in the face and kicked them out of the stall, knocked out. i sat my fat ass on the toilet and i peed SO hard that it was like i was sitting on a geyser. my stream of piss launched me up into the air, broke the ceiling, and i flew into the exosphere like i was just a new rocket launched by spacex. 6 hours later of me peeing i was like a deflated balloon. i had thought i was already dead, and then i fell back to the earth faster than light and my ass hit the earth ground SO hard that i dug myself into the earth's core. i am telling you my story from down here in hell, please do not run a 566.7 mile marathon from louisiana to texas. you will regret it.
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