Nevada
A highly exaggerated satirical post someone wrote in response to someone saying Nevada is a bad state
You are going to hell, you shit-faced fucking liberal. You may think it's comical as you sit behind your little computer, typing your little snide remarks. It's not. You realise that, right? For one, Nevada is a BEAUTIFUL state. Have you even eaten delicious Nevada sand? I thought not. I usually detest sand - as it is course, rough, irritating, and the like. But Nevada sand soothes the heart, mind, and soul. Maybe you should think a little fucking bit more about what you're saying in that little grapebrain of yours before you hit the enter key, huh? Nevada has a dedicated and powerful population dedicated to defending it from haters and trolls such as you. You cannot enumerate a SINGLE reason Nevada sucks! I know this to be fact. This is because Nevada has the strongest men and women of our nation. DO you know who's from Nevada? That's fucking right. ELVIS. The greatest musicial talent of the contemporary era is from LAS VEGAS. And LAS VEGAS is quite frankly a delightful city. The trappings of sin may admittedly be too garish for a god-loving axolotl-fearing man such as me but the BRIGHT LIGHTS of the BIG CITY are just soooooo pretty! You can see it from miles around- a shining oasis of civilization in a savage wasteland. In fact, Nevada represents everything good about imperialism. We civilized this massive swath of land and made it into the best dang corner of the world around. I bet if you hippy contrarian liberals were around back during the last war with Mexico you would not even realize Nevada's worth. If Nevada were a horrible state, why would so much cool stuff be there? FACT: Nevada was the set and setting of Breaking Bad. One of the greatest TV shows to ever exist, did you know? There's a reason Walter White lives in Albuquerque, Nevada. Let me ask you a quick question. Have you ever played "Team Fortress Two"? NO?!?!?!? If you did you would realise the glory of Nevada. There is a TF2 map entitled "Dustbowl," one of the most loved and played maps in all of the game. Except here's the thing. Dustbowl was inspired by my very own home!! I bet you feel pretty silly, huh.... All I am SAYING is that NEVADA is better than you are, you little scrawny-ass Minnesota kid. I bet you never seen the sun before because of how daaaaaaamn cold it is up there! I BET ya that you can't even tell me anything about plants. Well I know a thing or two about plants, kid. I know that, during photosynthesis in green plants, light energy is captured and used to convert water, carbon dioxide, and minerals into oxygen and energy-rich organic compounds. Tell me a thing, my boy. Can you even photosynthesize? Nevada has a true plethora of plants. The humble cactus and its tiny little thorns in fact represent the true Nevadan spirit. We will stand there and not hurt anyone, but if you come to fight us you're going to quite quite the "YEEEEEEEEEEEOW!!!!" Do you... want that? Do you want the powerful men and women of Nevada to show you why you're wrong. Are you a masochist? Well let me tell you something right now. There is NOTHING pleasureable about getting the shit kicked out of you by a Nevadan. I can regale you about this firsthand with the tales involving "my father" and the "jumper cables," but that's a story for another time. Anyways, my bountiful baby Bostonian boy is at his ninth birthday party and I am meant to be "Le Estates-General", so stay mad and stay losing, NEVADA is better than you are. Just had to be said. mic drop
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