NickToons Racing Nightmare Edition!

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My name is Vincent, and I'm a GBA junkie. My favorite GBA game is NickToons Racing, but, unfortunately, I had the unfortunate occurrence of my copy all the way back from 2002 breaking due to overuse. Oh well.

Ah, but wait! A solution did rise. eBay!

So, after 4 minutes, 42 seconds and 3 milliseconds, I found a copy that was a $5.79 Buy-it-now, complete, mint, in-package! I did the most logical thing a 34-year old douche like me would do: buy it!

It came in the next day, which was strange because I live in Texas, and the game came from Washington! Weird! But anyways, I opened the package to find the box was ripped open in the middle, with... ewww... spaghetti noodles in it! But I'm an overweight moron, so I ripped out the game and stuck it in my GBA.

Something was wrong from the very start. The GBA logo was blood red in color! Not to mention with spaghetti noodles covering it. The opening cutscene was scary. The characters were merely limbless mannequins with plastic pimples... some of the pimples had burst open already, and the scent of slimy yellow pus somehow reached my nose.

I shrugged it off as merely a prank. I started Cup 1, and when I was taken to the character selection screen, the circle character portraits looked... odd. The characters were formed of crudely cutout magazine photos, and tidbits of digitized clay stuck onto. When I chose SpongeBob for his high speed values, his portrait was a clay model of him without his eyes. This made me scream!

The first track was made of SOUP! I had to constantly jump onto veggies or plunge into the soup abyss. The Beavers gave me a hard time due to them spamming the triple coconut powerup. The strange thing was...

Those weren't coconuts.

Those were tits.

I insulted my mom for eating Pizza Hut while crapping with hyper realistic wolf eyes and pregnant with 576 churro children. BACK TO THE GAME!

The second race wasn't "Ahhhh.. Real Racing", it was instead "Ahhhh... Real Bootlegging"! The track looked low quality and 8 bit! Like a bootleg, you might say! There were no weapons, but were instead SUPER SPEEDBURST BUTTOCK collectable items, and when you used it, green gas woild come out of your tailpipe.

Race three was in a new course called "Traffic Traction Troubles" with frozen blood as the road and was very slippery, but yes had items thank gof. Like Shields and triple coconuts! Yea! Arnold was in the background but not the race causing mayhem like GodZilla!!! Then a creepy font showed up onscreen telling me that the cartridge had been removed, but it wasn't removed!? The GBA exploded into crusty sponge pieces.

I never played or watched Nick again! but I sold it to somebody and they traded tickets to the symphony! Yay! I'm writing this in my hotel room.

SpongeBob is in my closet... watching me...

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