No Nut November Needs to Stop

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No nut November (NNN) is akin to hardcore dieting, it's a short-term endeavor that may result in temporary change, but in the end, you'll go right back to your old habits. So then, what is the point of NNN? Is it to reach an ethereal plane in which we can become our own masters? Is it to obtain grand mastery of the mystic arts by retaining all the sexual energy within our bodies? Or, is it simply to remind ourselves of the shitty lives with live, without the instant gratification that masturbation provides present to cover up our suffering? I say it should be thought of as the later. We need some form of wake-up call to alert us to the issues we experience in daily life. Rampant inflation, increasing crime rates, Sword Art Online still retaining a fanbase, these things cause us stress. Our main legal form of relieving this stress is through masturbation. It provides us a temporary release from our thoughts. No Nut November removes this ability and makes us more aware of the world around us. Although, I don't and never have used masturbation in this way. I masturbate to keep myself from having sex with my homies. I need something to distract me from their bulging muscles, glistening forearms that could pick me up to spin me in the air, and tight buttocks that could squeeze a tennis ball until it burst from the pressure. Just being around them makes me sweat pools of foul-smelling liquid. I even talk about them with my girlfriend after work instead of asking her about how her day was. I just cannot get my mind off them. It's gotten to the point where I've started imaging their tongues entering my mouth while I French kiss my girlfriend. This month I won't participate in No Nut November, otherwise I cannot continue to control myself. I'd like to rip off the band aid and present myself to them for the taking, but alas I cannot. I won't breach the sacred bond of friendship we have. So, in conclusion, that is why I cannot participate in the festivities of this month.

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