No one told me to stay safe

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I posted a thoroughly spooktacular story on r/nosleep and plenty of people offered advice, but none of them said stay safe OP, So I didn't. Not only did I break lockdown, I flew to Nepal, Climbed the first mountain I came to, Shoved a firework up my arsecrack and lit it, put on skis and a blindfold, and skied down without using sticks. After a bit the firework exploded and I was torn in half. My legless torso rolled down the mountain forming a giant snowball that gathered speed, destroying towns and cities until I hit a nuclear power plant, the explosion of which sent me into space, where I tore through the bottom of an alien spaceship. the Aliens were sucked into the hole I'd made and plugged the gap so I didn't suffocate. The sexier of the two, a chap called KGiaionoakcu, frowned at me without eyes or a face and said.

"We were totes going to uplift humans to be a spacefaring species and end global warming and war and death. Now we're gunna totes fucking kill you cunts." He then suffocated to death, and the snow on my giant snowball started to melt, so I dragged myself over to the controls and contacted his mothership. His considerably uglier commander, a chick called Thragonicoikuimcukcagaedpsitend no, asked me who I was and What his dying words were. I first stated my name and plugged my novels and personal subreddit to her, and then said that he said he was going to kill us all.

"Thanks." She said, and then fired a laser at me, killing me and then destroyed the earth. In retrospect, I probably could have done a better job of staying safe at several junctures, and could have promoted my work in a more effective manner, but no one had told me either so It wasn't really my fault.



Credited to scannerofcrap 

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