On the topic of sex, ghosts, lists of rules, shitposting, post shitting, and the thing my doctor found up my ass. Part 666
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NSFW WARNING
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So I was about to go into a haunted house, but I wanted to give you a lot of personal information first.
I live with my mom, dad, sister, brother, cat, dog, grandpa, grandma, uncle, aunt, other cat, other brother, wife, son, daughter, other other cat, and a sketchy guy named Merle who rents the spare room and really should not be in the same house as children.
I have a living room, adjacent dining room, two bedrooms (but you have to go upstairs to get to them) and a laundry room where the cat shits in his catshit box. But not anymore, because he died. I also have a garage with an apartment in the back, which is really where I should have put Merle, but I decided to store creepy old journals, dolls, teeth of the dead, and unopened boxes instead.
None of this is relevant to my story.
Also, my wife divorced me, I moved away from that house, and I currently live alone.
One day I found a list of rules, and they were totally random. Most rules that we see in everyday life make sense, but this list did not, which gave me a creepy feeling. I was spooked enough to follow all of them but one, which held dire consequences.
Meanwhile, I met a hot woman with boobs. She sexed on my penis.
The woman turned out to be a ghost. She was actually a "ghost," but it's funnier to misspell the word, because this is a shitpost.
Speaking of which, I'm going to label this as "Part 69." It has the double effect of mocking stories with many chapters, but also introduces the concept of a "69." That's a sex act where both parties perform simultaneous oral sex, resulting in a shape that would vaguely represent the two digits squashed together if it weren't for the extremely awkward positioning. To be honest, it might seem alluring in theory, but it's not ideal in practice.
Check for updates soon, because I just met a man with far too many teeth. That sentence ends with a hyperlink to my social media, which is an opportunity for people to bitch about linking social media and stories about rules. The point is that r/nosleep used to be scarier back in the day, but now the stories are lame. Except this story, which is scary.
Credited to ByfelsDisciple
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