Oogieloves 2: Electric Oogaloo

No film has impacted my life as much as The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure. When I saw it in theaters on the fateful day of Oogust 29th, 2012, my life changed forever. As soon as I could, I changed my name from Billy to Billylove. I have spent the majority of my life watching it. Yet, I have one question...

Why did such a biblical and financially successful film as The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure never get a sequel?

I was not ready to let the world refuse me an Oogieloves sequel. Every night, I prayed for Oogieloves 2, and I sent every spare penny I ever got to Oogieloves Inc. (A very real organization).

Today, I got a strange tape in the mail as with a note attached:

"Dear Billylove,

Thanks to you, we have been able to pay off the debts we got from this movielove 9000 times over. We have spent the rest of the money making the one thing we know you'll love:

Oogieloves 2: Electric Oogaloo

Cheers!

Oogieloves Inc."

IT FINALLY HAPPENED!!!!!

I quickly ran to my VHS player and put in the tape. I was so excited, I forgot to do the Oogieloves victory cheer! I said the Windy Window incantation (I reprogrammed my Alexa to turn on the TV when I say that), and the film of the millennium began.

It was clearly the night after Schluufy's historic birthday party. As Schluufy was falling asleep, the magic balloons began to talk.

"Do you even know why we're magic?" asked one of the balloons.

"No. Why are you magic, if I may ask?" replied Schluufy. Watching this movie so many times that the calculator displays the number in scientastic notation has granted me the gift of being able to decipher Schluufy's dialogue.

"When all five of us are brought together, we can grant you a single wish. Whatever it may be. Tell me your wish. But beware, for it will come true," explained one of the balloons. It then cut outside, where black clouds began to obscure the Moon and stars.

Schluufy began to stutter, but was eventually able to state his wish.

"Tell me my past," he said.

The balloons glowed for a second, and we cut inside Schluufy's mind. The memories were displayed through static, but I think I got the gist of it. Schluufy was originally a man named John Kirby. He had a wife and two kids. One day, he began constantly seeing a set of three overgrown four-year-olds at every corner. He eventually got the courage to approach them. This is when the static got really bad, but I think they amputated his arms and legs? This is when I began to feel uncomfortable.

"Your wish has been granted," said the magical balloons before rising into the sky and dispersed themselves all throughout all of Lovely Loveville.

The next morning, The Oogieloves said good morning to Schluufy, but he was very aggressive and oppositional.

"Schluufy! Why are you acting like this?" asked Toofie.

"Why did you take my life from me?" replied Schluufy.

"Aw crap, another one figured it out," said Zoozie. They then all tore him in half, killing him.

"J. Edgar, can you please tell Windy Window to find us a new pillow?" asked Goobie.

"Sure thing! 1, 2, 123! Windy Window, what do you see? 1, 2, 123! Windy Window please show me!" chanted J. Edgar.

Windy Window then showed... my house.

J. Edgar picked up the walkie talkie and chanted "Testing testing. WAM, BAM, POW. Billylove, can you hear me now? Testing testing. WAM, BAM, POW. Billylove, can you hear me now?".

My phone began to ring. I picked it up. J. Edgar told me to keep my eyes on the screen. I did. All of a sudden, for a split second, the video cut out with the text "SIGNAL INTERRUPTED" at the top. As quickly as the video cut out, it returned, but without the Oogieloves!

I heard a knock on my door. I opened it and the Oogieloves were there! I screamed and slammed the door. I tried running up to the second floor of my house, but Toofie was already climbing through a window to get up there. I ran to my basement and hid. The Oogieloves broke down the door and came down. Zoozie started speaking tongues, summoning a spectre. Turns out, she can speak demon as well as animal.

"Look! Here come the butterflies!" said Goobie.

But no butterflies came. Instead, I was swarmed by millions of locusts. I was barely able to get up the stairs before I heard Zoozie say "Time to sit back down again!". They all began throwing turtle shells, and one nailed my left leg. The brief second of my recovering gave them enough time to catch up.

"Testing testing. WAM, BAM, POW! Billylove, can you hear me now?" said Toofie. With each onomatopoeia, he punched me with all his strength.

"Yes..." I said, in a labored voice.

"Ok," responded Toofie.

He then got out a chainsaw and cut off all of my limbs. Zoozie came over and began speaking in tongues again. I started to feel myself shrink, and my insides being replaced with feathers. I was becoming a pillow.

The Oogieloves started doing their celebratory cheer. As my memories began to fade away, I couldn't help myself. I joined them

"Snap, snap, snap, reach for the sky.

Snap, snap, snap, twist from side to side.

And sing,

'Oogielove, Oogielove, Oogielove.'

O o g i e l o v e..."

---

Written by TheRandomSurfboard
Content is available under CC BY-SA

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