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The Thing that Started it All

Nopony could remember a time when it had rained so hard. "Hmm." Twilight Sparkle said, "This...isn't water, it's acid. All the background ponies were then disintegrated from the acid Trixie tears. "I must find out where this is coming from!" Spike said, as he punched Pinkie Pie into the sun. Derpy Hooves yelled,

"NO! SHE WAS MY COUSIN! THIS HAS NO PARDON!" and turned into Derpzilla, who derped up the moon, which was now made of LAZERS and 4CHAN, (but it still counts as a moon) and threw it at Fluttershy, who turned into a shark from the impact.

"How does Rainbow Dash taste, Twilight?" Spike said, whipping around his tailsaw made of holy freakfire.

"Like some kid with wings." Twilight spit out two wings as she lifted up Fluttershark and fired her at Applejack's new truck, the resulting icefire engulfing half of the Multiverse in a rainbow cupcake.

Spike used his mailbreath to send the cupcake-verse to Lauren Faust, who rejected it and made a crossover of some sort. Needless to say, it was amaz-"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!"

Derpzilla smashed the corpse of the other multiverse half into the cupcake, smashing the multiverses together, leading to the ponies being smothered by obsessed Bronies.

"Twilight, you must ROCK THE FREAK OUT", said Princess Celestia, summoning Zamboni. Applejack drove Zamboni over Canada, sinking it, which revealed Fluttershark to be the second coming of Jesusatan, a creature worshipped by snowboard assassins and muffins.

Steven Magnate fixed the multiverse with a twist of his amazing moustache, with the one exception being there were Hipstamatic cameras raining over both Multiverseuniverses, which summoned a demonic iPod that enslaved the ponies until Hasbro took hold of the entire story.

"Want to come over for a tea party, Rainbow?" said Pinkie.

"Of course, my great friend!"

Then everything exploded.

Trixie's Turnabout

Trixie flew(somehow...) across Equestria, as she looked down upon the detestable little ponies in the city. How unbecomingly of them, just walking around like they were actually true masters.

"I am not going to tolerate that! OBJECTION!"

But they did not believe in her. Furious, she set her own hair on fire, and shot everyone using a pistol made of pie as wereponies cried, which summoned Fluttershark.

"Flutter, why are you eating us?" asked Derpy, just as her bowels began to shine, allowing her to transform into Derpzilla.

Spike's arm began to melt, and suddenly his legs were made of root beer. Joining the fight, the three conquered all of the multiverse.

Rainbow vomited poop ladybugs, as she ripped the world in half, so that it would be easier to kill. Suddenly, she realized she was raping the universe.

"Not again!" she shouted, as Trixie fought her to the death.

"I won't lose!"

"Why not?"

"Because I promised!"

"What did you promise?"

"To be a pony!"

Trixie withdrew her hat from another dimension and reminded herself to kill herself later, as she summoned a meteor to kill all of Equestria, leaving only her, Rainbow, and the snowboard assassins from Mercury, who now rule the universe.

Pinkie Pie woke up and destroyed all of Dallas, as the sun can do anything she freaking wants. That is, until it gets eaten by Fluttershark. Flutterfireshark started spitting acid fireballs made out of lightsabers and Stephen Magnate moustache fragments at the world, restoring it. Trixie said, "I need to boost the wordcount of this fic!", while eating a television. Flutterfireshark, who was now a pegashark made of fire, froze over Muffin Hell while derping.

Then everyone died.

A Filler Chapter

Flutterfireshark was eating the head of a goffik pony named Ebony Raven when she was attacked by ...!

... was quickly set on fire, revealing him to be Turtle Buu Jackcolt, who then proceeded to tack Ponyville. Derpzilla was quickly defeated by his mastery of fired chicken, and with Pinkie still being the Sun, there was only one pony that could fight him...Doctor Whooves! Whooves cupcaked Turtle upside the head, while destroying Africa in one fell derp.

Video game cartridges rained down, impeding the blood of the universe, causing a rip in time and hammerpants. Applejack, who just finished selling her 10,000,000,000,000th pancake, severely fanfic'd everyone in Celestia, shipping everypony with everypony else, except for Trixie who was only shipped with a tree. Said tree was shipped with everypony else, too, even Derpy Whooves, the amalgamation of Derpy and the Doctor that exists in another dimension where hamsters rule.

The reason Applejack knows about that hamster dimension would make for a much more interesting fanfic then this one, which just made Rarity explode(*BOOM*) for no reason.

Noticing this fic has no dialogue yet, Spike screamed "THIS. IS. PHILLYDELPHIA!" and used his soda-legs to poison the princesses in a fit of rage, making him the ruler of Equestria.

Then everyone spontaneously combusted.

I Should Have Tried To Make the Other Three Chapters As Long as This One

"Now, Spike."

Spike knelt before his mistress.

Twilight withdrew her horn, Freakslayer, from a dimension where all screamed for naught.

Twilight swung her horn at Flutterfireshark in an attempt to save Pinkiie Pie. This moderately worked. Flutterfireshark now has the power of ice, making her Fluttericefireshark. Pinkie emerged unscathed from the new abomination, and offered Twilight a cupcake. Twilight took the cupcake.

"This cupcake tastes.." was all she managed to get out before the drugs kicked in.

Twilight woke up chained to a wall with chains too strong to be removed with her magic. Pinkie, in her "Psycho Pie" outfit, started slowly walking towards her. The TARDIS popped up in between the two, and opened to reveal John Madden dressed up as Micheal Bolton dressed up as Tony Montana, who then gunned down Pinkie while singing something about pirates as he turned into Cthulu, who then fought Doctor Whooves, Derpzilla, Turtle Buu Jackcolt, Trixie, Sodalegs Spike, and Fluttericefireshark for the RETARDIS.

Twilight felt a strong magic free her from her chains. It was Celestia, entombed in her cursed deodorant armor, helping Twilight from her Sunbase which wasn't on the sun.

Twilight channeled her rage through Freakslayer. The angel blood boiled as she summoned the great Fluttericefireshark, swathed with the cutie marks of the tiny freaklings from Ponyville, leapt onto it, and flew into space. She encased the creature in a wreath of holy freakfire, making every flank in the galaxy explode, and inside every flank a bunny danced the Macarena.

Twilight then flew Fluttericefreakfireshark through space, punching astral griffons in thirds with her tail and throwing their golden claws into the RETARDIS, turning Psycho Pie into a zombie who then proceeded to terrorize the Cafeteria of JUSTICE-FLAVORED SOCKS!

Scootaloo then went to sleep. But, her dreams were infected by paracrabs, which has the effect of making her dreams a full-on acid trip. Let's take a journey into the dreamscape now...

Pinkie Pie ate a cupcake and burped bagpipes, then suddenly Applebloom came out of the bagpipes, ate Pinkie Pie and turned into a radiator. The radiator exploded into OVER 9000 coat hangers, which then fell down on Equestria. Fluttericefreakfireshark ate a Turtwig, giving her the power of Solar Beam. [1]

Applejack looked around her. There was nothing to see. "You have your eyes closed again." Twilight warned. "Oh!" Applejack exclaimed, opening her eyes just in time to see Spike swallow the sun whole, revealing a second moon that was hiding behind it.

Spike started choking. No one helped. A pirate pony appeared, yawned, and the disappered, making their appearance rather pointless. yodelled at no one in particular, from a falling star.

Spike paused from his choking to sneeze, but carried on again afterward. No one helped. [2]

Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarbeamshark stared across the frozen tundra, watching a giant frozen banana, with a mouth, devour Rainbow Dash. Instead of blood, rainbows poured out (yes, rainbows). Suddenly, Twilight Sparkle fell from the sky, and shouted to no one: "He's coming! HE'S COMING!" Her hooves were in the air, and just stared at the giant banana, who had moved onto eating a city now. Twilight Sparkle, seeing that no one cared, walked away.

Twilight Sparkle walked to the city, while it was still being eaten. She spoke to all ponies, and made a speech. "He's coming! He's coming!" was basically all she said, not caring they were being eaten by a giant banana. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a new pony appeared. Glowing, sparkling, he descended upon the sinners. It was Jesus Pony, and he said calmly: "And thy shall all melt due to my awesomeness." And they did. While hiccuping to death. And choking. While being eaten by a giant hippo. While said hippo was being eaten by a giant banana. [3]

Spike wented int a forest, then he heard some of teh growlz coming from the forest, he looked a round and finded the death bodies of Rarity being eated by Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarfreeezebeamshark. Spike screamed and suddenly a flashback happend. Psycho Pie stabed Rarity five hundred and seven time. SPike knew this and decided his revenge he exploded into SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE! and kicked in the nuts even thought shes a girl. .

Then he threw to the ground and screamed so loud it turned her main yellow.

"Not so fast SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE!" Psycho Pie screamed in space as she cut SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE!'s head with a chainsaw.

SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE! laughed as his head grew back twice and he punted both Psycho Pie and into space. His heads laughed and became excited that they could now talk to eachother. They got in a fight tore eachother apart, leading to both heads growing back twice, and in a form of mitosis split into four SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE!s who went on to terrorize Celestia with HOLY CRAP lazahs and fire balss of doom.

Suddenly Derpzilla arrive and chanlenged all 4 SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE!s to a duel. It destroys at least half of ponyville, including the library. Serves the damn books right with all there big words. The fight went on for twenty seven years.

On the twenty seventh day of the twenty seventh year, Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarfreeezebeamshark came back to Celestia as Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarfreeezeplasma-beamshark with Psycho Pie, who's tail was tied to a space stick. Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarplasmafreeeze-beamshark dove at the the 4 SUPERMEGADESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE!s and Derpzilla Waving arround her Psycho Pie Flail, who was laughing evilly the entire time. There was an explosion that destroyed the end of this the letter. Psycho Pie ended up the only one who wsn't hurt, s her nme doesn't hve the letter. Fluttericefrekfirestr-solrfreeezeplsm-bemshrk ws wekend nd SUPERMEGDESTRUCTOKILLSPIKE! ws turned bck into just plin Spike. Spike yelled s mny swers s he knew, which somehow restored the letter A.

Then Candlejack appeared and everyth [4]

Fluttericefreakfireshark tore the dreamscape open, making those dreams reality. Fluttericedreamfreakfire-starsolarplasmafreeeze-beamshark then ate Psycho Pie and Luna, making her Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall, who's name (probably) won't get any longer this chapter, but will be repeated quite a few times in order to annoy the readers.

Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall shot Fizzball cans into Celestia's heart, making her explode into The Fanfic Itself. The Fanfic Itself then died, and the resulting sauce made the greatest tacos in all of Generation 27. Stephen Magnate, with all of his awesomeness, tried to revive The Fanfic Itself and turn it into a classy, well-written, and artistic story. We can't have that, can we? The invisible Atuhor's Nose flicked him into space. Yes, , because this fic hasn't had enough references yet. Seeing a certain spherical object while in space, Trixie said "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I MUST STOP THIS MADNESS!" and exploded. Her hat landed on Stephen, which made him team up with Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall to destroy Derpzilla, who was STILL fighting for the RETARDIS. But, they weren't fast enough. Cthulu, Turtle, Derpzilla, and Sodalegs Spike merged into Soderpthulubuu. Happily, the author isn't annoying enough to keep adding words to THAT name. So, he just added them to Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall. PrincessFlutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall, who will TRULY stop getting new names in this chapter, but will in future chapters to be released sometime next month, turned Autocorrect on. Then, Doctor Whooves got his RETARDIS back, and getting tired of the long name being repeated over and over again, sent Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall into a time machine, setting her back to Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, and removing her from the rest of this chapter. Soderpthulubuu started smashing multiple fanfics into this one, letting Rainbow Sparkle take over the story.

"Hai guys! It wiz a feet day in ponivle web i an ed wit jam and got pregna cuz o a prosy. or e et yon al Abu it..."

The Fanfic Itself rose from the graze and Cupcakes'd Rainbow Sparkle. while collecting everypony in a potato cleaner and making them dance to the death.

Meanwhile, Psycho Pie and Luna were fighting to the death in a nearby solar system, Luna using cupcake darts, Psycho Pie throwing planets. Psycho Pie eventually threw Equestria itself at Luna, turning everypony's hooves into bagpipes.

Twilight screamed "Luna, if you don't stop, we'll lubricate, and no one will be around to fanfic everyone in the multiverse if we get around to bringing everypony back to life after we Cupcakes'd them."

"I am no longer Nightmare Moon."

The ancient pony dropped some of the darts she was throwing, which hit Rainbow Sparkle, reviving her, as the laws of everything are completely inverted for her.

"Ug dat flaming fangs isself Klee me. Anyway, Iz bac. I hz jet Arlen wins firm a Ned poni wen Jak crammed and we al cuht on firs. Ex-lax in a cav and I that Jak ded. Nh he dust. I Pete STD Iz forge bat the prophet Banjul bit in fly didn't. Den Clod Poof tld uz a shy it and Jak Meier e on Ira. I Ed so happy I sad "oh mi GONADS!" and marred Jackie. WTF? Dis AuroCorec is messing me destroy hop! Dis is anniversary! War elk cloy goo wot of?"

Then, Shark-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named-Anymore-This-Chapter broke the fanfic's rules to eat Rainbow Sparkle, stopping the outstanding grammar fails.

Luna flexed one of her wings, which was made of pie pistols, and flapped Ponyville in half.

"And what of it? Is it a sin, should a pony feel like firing upon a sun or a thousand? Why should the suns heave through the void, if not to be skewer's broken outnumber fragpoles?"

Yes, the fragpoles. Older than Celestia herself, the large electronic Arica were the last remnants of the "goo en" race. The author proceeded to turn off Autocorrect.

Twilight cast a glance at the moon. Unsavory pastas emanated from a particularly effeminate crater. It was hungry. She looked at a nearby comet. She thought about Big Mac.

Twilight's arm moved in a revolting motion, finally pointing at Luna.

"Luna is wearing designer liprings, and as such your argument is invalid!"

The crowd gasped as The Fanfic Itself slammed the desk using Spike, the annoying maildragon, as a gavel, who went through the desk until he arrived in hell. Nobody cared about him, as The Fanfic Itself's mane was now made of fire.

The Fanfic Itself was interrupted by Trixie, who punched her while her theme song played. The crowd cheered.

The Fanfic Itself began to bleed musicals.

Twilight and Trixie threw nitrogen at each other, mixed Flava Flav into it before it could enter the atmosphere, and punched the freak out of the atmosphere because they didn't like it. Sweetie Belle's head exploded.

Twilight and Trixie headflanked each other(my god that sounds wrong), while going through the planet Nova Scotia because that was it's weakness and that weakness caused the time and the universe to explode 42 times.

"Twilight, the Daleks kidnapped Luna!"

"What are you saying, Spike? I don't care about people who have vowels in their names."

Derpy Whooves then transcended universes to save Luna; the full story of which, again, would make a better fic than this crap.

"RAW!" Trixie screamed as she began to eat Twilight, but it was actually Twilight's shadow because she had studied under the snowboard assassins, who were great celery masters.

Derpy Whooves came back to this universe with Luna, Shark-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named-Anymore-This-Chapter, and muffin crossbows, as a ferris wheel of deformed pony corpses rolled through Ponyville.

Meanwhile, Octavia was playing the Their Large Brony: Rivalplane Isn't Machinery theme remix by Japanheal Pony on her Cello. Vinyl Scratch than mixed Octavia's track with one of Lyra's performances. There was no point of that paragraph other that random wordplay.

A Gary-Stu then appeared in Ponyville. He tried to hit on Applejack, who then bucked the Stu's teeth in. The Stu then exploded from not being perfect in every way. Psycho Pie turned the remains into cupcakes, as justice tastes better than ponies. This brought everypony she killed back to life, starting a zombie apocalypse.

And then Ponyville was a zombie.

Guest Chapter #1

Everypony started to cry as the Gary Stu and Mary Sue zombie clone ponies started to take over Equestria. Rarity tried to kill one of them with her horn of awesome power but was attacked by a swarm of headparaspritecrabs; who began to devour her mane and eat her cutie mark. Pinkamena Psycho Pie came in bearing her secret weapon.

"CUPCAKES!!!!!!!!111!" she screamed menacingly; as she started to throw cupcake grenades at the ghost zombie ponies. But the cupcakes only turned the Mary Sues into more powerful super fan girls who started to fall for every male pony in Ponyville.

Meanwhile, Eternal Princess Flutter-ice-fire-mountain-tiger-moon-chibi-shark was dancing as poisoned rainbow-colored drops of juice and griffin eggs began to fall from the sky and sparkly pony vampire turtles started to invade; putting everypony into a trance that lasted exactly forty-seven minutes. Twilight Sparkle stood there observing the chaos as the hordes of sparkle ponies flew towards Canterlot and began to rain glitter and fire upon the castle.


But it was too late. The castle had been turned into a Hot Topic and became flooded with Good Charlotte and MCR psychotic goth fans. As Luna and Celestia emerged from the mess, Luna inexplicably turned into...a star cupcake monster!

The Cupcake Nightmare Star Monster Creature Pony growled and started to fly towards Sweetie Bell; who was polishing a small bunch of flowers and moon rocks. Sweetie Bell cowered in fear as the creature started to throw giant blobs of banana cake batter and acid celery stalks at the small filly.

"I'm scared of this thing," said Sweetie Bell, "but not in an afraid way. I know now how to stop it!"

She started to throw crystals at the monster which caused it to fall into the Ever Free Forest and get eaten by bunnies.

And then the ponies all melted away into plastic forms.

Guest Chapter #2

Once upon a time there was only humans! But then the HUUUUGE asshole Trollestia killed all the humans that existed before the dinasours! And the humans was all like!


And Trollestia was all like!

"FFFFFFF- I cannot make trollface cause me am horse! Lol but that ok cause i have magicz and wings!"

And then she flew off into the sunset and burned up!

XXX Later that decade ponies started populating the planet that was known as Earth! (Seriously! What drugs were they on when they came up with this show?!)

The first pony was all like!

"Hurrrrrrr *drool*"

ROFL! All ponies were retarded cause Trollestia forgot to give them brain! And she was all like!

"OLOLOLOLOLOLOL that funny!"

Cause Trollestia cant die from burning cause she is a GOD!!!!

BUT THEN!!! A pony that somehow got a brain from a family of rocks that turned out to not be rocks but just very small gray creatures that couldn't move or talk jumped out from a cloud of copy-paper!

"No! It's not funny! I haz brainz and i challenge you to a duel of milk drinking!"

The most random pony stated as she charged at the white and evil tyrant that was Trollestia!


Trollestia (Ice-)screamed as she drowned in milk!

"You are white and can use magic! So your only natural weakness must be milk cause milk is white and a fluid that makes your bones stronger!"

THE LOGIC IS TOO POWERFUL TO UNDERSTAND SO THE WORLD BLEW UP!!! XXX 1000 years later in the year of 100XAT (After Trollestia) ponies invented Pinkie Pie! It was their biggest misstake EVER!


The random scientist guy said gently in his smooth relaxing voice.






XXX (Insert calm classical music here)

Now we just have to get to the part where everyone dies. Please sit down and relax as we describe a most wonderful and quiet scenery for you.

The birds were swaying in the wind, the tree's were singing and Fluttershy was not Fluttershy at all anymore cause she had gone through a sex-change and was now named Fluttersteroids.

Twilight was on her way to the market that was only once a millenium when suddendly a rainbow colored cupcake jumped in her way!

"Twilight you must help me! Pinkie made a cupcake out of me!" Thought the small cupcake cause cupcakes dont have mouths to talk with!

"nom!" Said Twilight as she ate the cupcake!

As you read you think to yourself that this story must have been written by a 6 year old or just someone very imature, little do you know that one of those were right and it was not the first one.







And then everyone died including me cause i tried to kill something that cannot be killed. Did i learn my lesson you ask? Pfft! Hey Derpzilla come over here for a minute!

Guest Chapter #3

How Equestria was born and how it died

In the year 20394832 on the planet "Equestria" there was fascism. Fascism ran rampant in the streets slaughtering grasshopper and leaving bees in it's wake. Fascism loved what it did, and never wanted to stop. On this ball of rock there was another entity. It was known as Communism.

Communism had the power of influence, he influenced the Lemmings to jump off cliffs in to seas of

grey grass. One day and night Communism and Fascism met. They then raped each other. It was horrible. They both died of aneurysm's. From their corpse emerged the two creatures we know as "Luna" and "Celestia". They decapitated each other with watermelons for forty days and forty nights, only to discover that they were immortal. After buying copyright to the sun and the moon they decided to create ponies. They took the title of Princess because it sounded really fucking amazing. And for 109 years they ruled without conflict. Then one day, Princess Luna awoke, and she knew who she was! Nightmare Moon. N. M. Not just Luna but Nightmare Moon! And she used her killing data to cause the holocaust and eternal night. Celestia prayed to no god in particular, then Beelzebub and Leviathan appeared before her. She bowed to the unholy prince's and wiped their nonexistent feet with her virgin tears. Beelzebub gave Celestia cancer and left because he's fucking Beelzebub. Leviathan however, sealed the seven archangels of heaven into magical orbs that Celestia used to power the F.S.B. (Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark). The shock was so powerful that it sent Luna to the mother fucking moon. For 1000 years, she was kept alive and tortured by the lack of oxygen and the extreme temperatures. Every waking hour she was attacked by Hunger and Thirstiness. They were really good fighters. Her HATE for ponies grew so massive that it spread to the planet below her, showering the ponies in her hate, like radiation. Meanwhile Celestia, after reviving everyone, recreated the government based off of Oceania from 1984 because she loved that book. After the 1000 years Nightmare Moon came back and was promptly beaten by six of the the archangels reincarnations. They died 6 years later because of Luna's HATE. Unknown to everyone the Antichrist was among them. It took the form of a blond Pegasus with crossed eyes. She was a pretty cool mare, she smoked weeds and wasn't afraid of anything. She revived the archangels because she thought they were cool as well. I personally say think they were totally lame. Except one of the archangels: Rainbow Dash. She created Jimmy Hendrix and that makes her A-OK in my book. Anyway, Luna and Celestia both met in Canterlot. The battle raged for 7 years. The archangels and the Antichrist retreated into the south lands. As they stood from far off, they cried when they saw the smoke of her burning: "Was there ever a city like this?"

They decided that existence needed to be purified. So they summoned the power of Democracy to rain hell fire from the heavens.

Then it went like this:

The buildings tumbled in on themselves

Mothers clutching babies

Picked through the rubble

And pulled out their hair

The skyline was beautiful on fire

All twisted metal stretching upwards

Everything washed in a thin orange haze

I said, "Kiss me, you're beautiful -

These are truly the last days"

You grabbed my metaphorical hand

And we fell into it

Like a Daydream

Or a fever

We woke up one morning, and fell a little further down

For sure it's the valley of death

I open up my wallet

And it's full of Capitalism.

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