Parasexual Activity
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NSFW WARNING
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"It is 3 A.M. and my family is asleep. Any good God-fearing American knows what that means. It is time for me to enter the forbidden zone of INTERNET SEX." I said, triumphantly.
I am immersed in the hot world wide web circles of cybersex, internet pornography, and drone warfare. I have cultivated 15 years worth of masturbatory energy that needs to be released every Sunday night. It is my God-given privilege. I am a bustling fountain of disgusting salty man chowder that needs to be evacuated. I have roleplayed with every single person of every gender, nationality, race and age (NOT LIKE THAT FBI PLEASE IGNORE THIS). I have had real life sex exactly zero times, but it doesn't matter. This is the real shit. Maybe, however, too real.
I ordered an Oculus Vive 3 days ago and have been using VRChat to enact my twisted, dark and medium-rare fantasies. After starting the game, I got a notification from my lifelong friend, "XXXSexHaver360XXX". We go way back to the dawn of the internet, when the best dicking you could get was in text form on a constantly sounding-off AIM client making your parents slightly suspicious of your actions late into the evening.
"Hey, my B. Would you like to join my Sick Hot Server of Lots of Fucking and Sex and Orgasms?" he said, as he always did. I don't know why he kept saying this. Maybe he thought it was funny. Maybe it was the brain injury he suffered back in the platoon. I wasn't here to judge, though. I was here to fuck.
I loaded into the map. The icon showed a master bedroom surrounded in gold and leather. I was as horny as I ever could be. However, once it loaded, it was but a mere dark void with a mysterious whistling sound omnipresent throughout. After a few minutes of trying to look for life, I tried to exit.
"YOU CANNOT LEAVE."
My heart sunk. I could've taken my headset off and turned my PC off, but who was gonna do that? Not me.
I hear a loud growling coming behind me. I turned around to see nothing... at first. However, from the ether faded in the head of Topical Prudish Politician, his jaw agape. I shat myself in fear (and probably came a little from the pre-existing erection). Topical Prudish Politician spoke out without moving their mouth. "YOU HAVE BEEN CONDEMNED FOR BEING WAY TOO HORNY". As their titanic maw enclosed my body, I fainted.
I woke up the next morning in the middle of the street with my clothes off. Cops surrounded me, ready to detain me for my public indecency. How did I get here? This was a level even I never would stoop to.
"Are you XXXSexHaver360XXX?" The man said.
"No...? That's my friend." I responded wearily.
"We have evidence to confirm that XXXSexHaver360XXX was selling CYBER DRUGS out of his basement. We traced the IP and when we raided the building, you ran out."
"B-But, that's impossible! I was on VRChat last night!"
"What the fuck is VRChat? Anyways, we have confirmation from your psychiatrist that you have mentally manifested numerous people in your life that don't actually exist. You ever seen A Beautiful Mind? Yeah, like that."
"B-But... he was online... he sent me a message..."
"And the cause of your psychosis is because you endured a head wound... in the War of 2048."
"Oh fuck."
I went to a mental institution and I am now on a clear path to recovery. I am no longer a threat to the people, nor the government. I have kicked the CYBER PORNOGRAPHY and CYBER DRUG addictions I formed and have connected with the real world more than I had before.
But just then, one day I was awakened by a text from an unknown number.
"Hey, my B. Would you like to join my Sick Hot Server of Lots of Fucking and Sex and Orgasms?"
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