Hello, for those who are reading this. My name is Andy, Andy Diks. Sure, it is kind of a funny name, but that is the name that I was born with, and I plan to stick with it. Alright, a little bit about myself. I am a Zoologist. I am here to study a new species of life on here, and I hope that it would get made into a documentary too. This is the day before I go out, and study these magnificent creatures. You're probably wondering what are these creatures? Well, the creatures are called Penises, like as in the male genitalia. I am studying the creature's environment, down in South Africa. This is the day before my departure. I should get some rest before I leave, but I am too excited!!! I cannot wait to see these fascinating creatures!!! Well, I guess the giddiness has to stop. It is time that I shall go into dream land, and dream of these marvelous creatures.
I have just arrived in South Africa, but we're still finding the penises. Today, I met a kind native named Baruti. He seems nice, and gentle. Why, he even offered us some food. But, I don't take things for granted, so I turned down his offer of food. He seemed upset after that...
I met Baruti again, today. We're getting tired of finding the penis environment, so I asked Baruti, and he said "take the right three miles down, and then take a left one mile down after that right, then you're there." I cannot wait to see these marvelous creatures, still. Let's hope the native isn't lying to us about this. Right now, we're camping out because it got dark. The South African creatures come out at night, so we have to be cautious about the camping.
Today... was awesome!!! As we were traveling, I saw a penis! I couldn't believe my eyes, that I saw a creature like that. It was drinking some water, so I went up towards it, and I touched it. I can't believe the creatures let you touch them!!! It was big, and bulging, and I think I felt I vein pop up. Then, I started petting it, and then it jizzed on me! I can't believe it! It jizzed on me! Then it fled, so we followed it. Then, as it disappeared in the horizon, we went into the horizon and we saw a whole assortment of penises! There were big ones, small ones, medium ones, brown ones, white ones, yellow ones, ones with moles, ones without moles, ones with birthmarks, and ones without birthmarks! I couldn't believe my eyes, at this beauty. It was the most beautiful thing in my whole entire life, that I believe I shed a tear looking at them. One came up to us, and it let us pet it! I think it liked it, because it jizzed on us. The whole entire journey made it worth it, coming out here. Today was all play, but tomorrow is all work...
Today, I started studying these fascinating creatures. Nothing much happened today, except I saw one going to a different territory. I saw that the penis went into the vagina territory, asking for something to please itself. But they just attacked the penis, till it started bleeding. I also saw one vagina that was on its period. I wonder, I just wonder, how do they survive? A penis needs a vagina, in order to survive (Charles Darwin said that, while I was deep into the studies that he created, apparently he studied penises too).
Today, I finally saw how do the penis population survive. They do each other. They just rub against each other, and then they jizz. They look unhappy doing this, but its survival of the fittest (or should I say, survival of the not horny). Also, I saw the king penis today(he's a gigantic penis with a crown on the tip of its head), talking to the other penises. Sure, I don't speak penis, but I wonder what they were talking about...
The penis population just doubled its size!!! I believe I saw them get larger too. But they aren't preparing to have sex, it looks like they're preparing for battle. A battle of what? A battle of the bands (tee hee, I'm funny). But what kind of battle? As I study these creatures, more and more questions just pop into my head. But the next day, it seems as though my questions are fulfilled.
Well, I lied about the questions. They're still preparing for battle. But, more clues are revealed today though. I saw the king penis make a battle plan. I got a close look at the battle plan, and it was in the vagina territory. What are they going to do there? Are they going to fuck the vaginas, till the population is dead? Or is it to repopulate the penis environment. Me and my partner, Jerry, was scared to go down there. Baruti met us again, and he asked us what was going on. We told him that the penis territory was going to plan a battle. Baruti asked us are we going down there. We told him no. So, without hesitation, he just walks down there, trying to talk to the penises. Baruti said "hello fellow penises" and, like they treated him as an enemy, they killed Baruti with force. We were stunned, shocked, and perpetuated at the sight of our dear friend, getting mauled by the penis force. These once, kind, and gentle creatures who let us pet them, became one of the animals in South Africa, itself...
Today, the vaginas came into the penis territory. It was like, as though, they were making a peace offering, the vaginas. But the king penis turned it down, and ordered the other penises to keep the vaginas captive. Then hours later, a battalion of vaginas came, and started attacking the penises. But, the penises won the battle. Now, I believe, this is war between the penises and the vaginas.
As the penises are preparing for war, I believe that one of them saw us, watching their every move. Now I'm scared shitless. Also, later on, war started. The whole vagina territory fought the penis territory. But, it seemed as though that the penises won that battle. Because it looked like they prepared the battle for years, and years to come, while the vaginas just prepared for battle just only yesterday. Then, the penis went to the vagina territory, after they fled back, and killed each and everyone of the vaginas. It looks like the war, was just really a battle that killed the whole entire vagina population.
OH MY GOD!!!! THEY ATTACKING US. THEY GOT JERRY REAL GOOD!! JERRY IS FUCKING DEAD!! I AM THE ONLY SURVIVOR! ITS A GOOD THING THAT I CAN FLY A PLANE!! IF YOU'RE READING THIS, DO NOT GO TO SOUTH AFRICA TO SEE THESE CREATURES! THESE ARE BLOOD THIRSTY CANNIBALS! Also, this is the last day that I am reporting to you about the heaven turned hell.
Written by Fatal Disease
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