Pokemon Diarrhea Brown

I was nostalgic for my childhood. All new video games are bad. I just want my childhood. So I went to a flea market. There it was. It was Pokémon Diarrhea Brown (I picked this one over Piss Yellow and the third enhanced version, Pokémon Cum White). My childhood was right in front of my eyes. But the guy selling it was kinda weird. He looked just like my lord and savior, Donald Trump. I bought the game from Donald Trump for $200,000,000 dollars because Pokémon games are insanely expensive, like my God. Also because I am a fucking idiot who wants his nostalgia and is willing to become homeless to get it. I went home and put the game in my Playstation Portable to play it.

The game started off with the title screen, but suddenly, it flashed and it read with blood red letters: “POKÉMON SUPER DUPER SCARY CREEPYPASTA DIARRHEA EXTRAVAGANZA.EXE”. The title screen was also a picture of my mom, DEAD! I screamed. Not because I was scared, but I was yelling at my mom. “Look mom, you’re famous! You’re in Pokémon!” I am also fatherless, so I must be destined to become a real Pokémon Protagonist! This is so epic!

I picked “New file” and got an introduction from a Pokémon Professor I’ve never seen before: Professor PATRIXXX! (Or PP for short) He said: “Thanks for spending your entire life savings on this game, you fucking loser. You could have bought a shitty abstract painting about the meaning of life, painted entirely with cum. But instead you bought my secret Pokémon game that is apparently playable on the Playstation Portable. You are sad.” I thought it was just a glitch and didn’t think about how sad and pathetic my life really is. He automatically set my player character’s name to “Ash Is Fucking Dead, LMAO”.

When I started playing the game, I noticed I was immediately in Lavender Town. The professor did not tell me I needed to pick a starter, but that I needed to pick a fighter in the Pokémon Battle Royale! What was this? Did Pokémon become Fortnite? My choices were:

• Buried Alive
• Hypno Lullaby
• GHOST (from pokemon black)
• Pikachu With Gun.EXE
• Disabled Wigglytuff (Yes, this is a real creepypasta: look it up)
• Helleon
• Blue’s Dead Raticate
• Lost Silver Unowns
• MissingNo
• Hyper Realistic Blood Jigglypuff

I chose Pikachu With Gun.EXE because that was kinda funny. I nicknamed him Ash Is Fucking Dead 2, Pokémon Boogaloo.

Then, nine other trainers came towards me. Each of them had hyper realistic bleeding eyes. They said: “LET’S KILL EACH OTHER FOR NO REASON!” a battle then started, but instead of a pixelated 1v1 battlefield I was used to for normal Pokémon games, it switched to a third person camera and hyper realistic 3D graphics you might see on the New Nintendo Switch 3 Pro XL, which is definitely getting announced soon. (Source: Just trust me bro. Also, if it’s not announced soon, it just got delayed internally. This way I am always correct and you are always wrong.)

Anyway, the first challenger was Disabled Wigglytuff. I clicked on GUNSHOT, which was Ash Is Fucking Dead 2, Pokémon Boogaloo’s only available move. Wigglytuff went first, but since it was disabled, it just kinda stood there I guess. Ash Is Fucking Dead 2, Pokémon Boogaloo had no mercy and shot Disabled Wigglytuff’s brains out. Of course, the text box said “DISABLED WIGGLYTUFF DIED!!!!!” because this is a Pokémon Creepypasta, text boxes just do that.

Next up, I had to fight Blue’s Dead Raticate. But when the trainer threw the pokéball, the Raticate came out with 0 HP because the Raticate was already dead. EZ Victory.

Next was a trainer with 6 Pokémon: it was the Lost Silver Unowns. The battle was incredibly easy because Unown fucking sucks and Ash Is Fucking Dead 2, Pokémon Boogaloo had a FUCKING GUN. The only thing worth noting was that the Unowns spelled out I A M G O D. This battle royale is really disappointing so far, huh?

Anyway, the fourth opponent was the trainer with Buried Alive. Buried Alive was a ground type Pokémon, so Ash Is Fucking Dead 2, Pokémon Boogaloo was at a disadvantage. However, ground types are also weak to gun type Pokémon, so Ash Is Fucking Dead 2, Pokémon Boogaloo just fucking killed him. He then buried him. His name was then changed to “BURIED DEAD”.

Then, another trainer came (haha, like sex) with Hypno From Hypno’s Lullaby. Thanks to Ash Is Fucking Dead 2, Pokémon Boogaloo levelling up from the earlier battles, he had learned a new move called “CANCEL”. And since Hypno Lullaby kidnapped little children, CANCEL was super effective on Pedophile-type Pokémon, forever giving him erectile dysfunction for the rest of his life. He then walked home sadly and never diddled kids again.

Next up was MissingNo. He had no trainer. He was just by himself. To kill him, Ash Is Fucking Dead 2, Pokémon Boogaloo decided to take a four year programming course. This allowed him to fix the bug, making MissingNo disappear.

The next opponent was GHOST, and Ash Is Fucking Dead 2, Pokémon Boogaloo evolved into a GHOSTBUSTER to capture him in a ghost trap. He then turned back into a regular old Pikachu With Gun.exe, because I am trying to establish my own Creepypasta Pokémon Mascot.

Next up was Hyper Realistic Blood Jigglypuff. Ash Is Fucking Dead 2, Pokémon Boogaloo just poked him with a needle, causing Jigglypuff to explode. Jigglypuff dropped a Z-crystal called “Pikachu With Gun.Exeium”, which I gave to Ash Is Fucking Dead 2, Pokémon Boogaloo before the final battle. Then, the final battle against Helleon was upon us.

Helleon had his own instant kill move, called Hellfire. So I had to kill it with the Z-move. I pressed the Z-move button. Then, text appeared on the screen saying: “Pika’s Fucking Nuclear Bomb”. Ash Is Fucking Dead 2, Pokémon Boogaloo then dropped a FUCKING NUKE on Helleon, who then died extra hard (I was also extra hard at that point).

I had finally won. That was really easy, actually: this game wasn’t scary at all! But then I realised I was still in Lavender Town. I tried to leave, but Professor PATRIXXX said “No, you need to sit through 7 hours of cutscenes first.” As the cutscenes and the music went on and on, I finally caught Lavender Town Syndrome & Lavender Down Syndrome & also a case of Ligma & Knuckles. I then died in real life.

Shortly after dying, I woke up in a hospital bed. It turns out my name was actually Ash, and that my whole Pokémon adventure was all a coma dream (I know, so original and quirky). Then, I also remembered the time Giovanni fucked my mom, and he was my dad and also everyone I knew was dead. Idk, Pokémon Theories suck.

The end

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Credited to J3ffDaKilla69 and EvilLuigi.EXE 

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