Pokemon Y Did this Happen to Me
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NSFW WARNING
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Hi, my name is Stanislaw Alkoholikski. I'm the emperor of Poland, or at least I was before a haunted video game flipped turned my life upside-down and I ended up working at a MkDónąłdski (the Polish equivalent of McDonald's).
Growing up, I always liked Pokemon. I played all the games, watched every episode of the anime and even collected every Pokemon card there was, but when I became the emperor my duties shifted from "catching them all" to trying to keep the big guy to the east happy. I ended up not being able to play another Pokemon game for years, until one day a guy came up to me and yelled in our native language, "Chej, Stanisław! Jó lajk Pókęmóń, dzónt jó?!" to which I responded, "Fyk ja, aj dó!"
He gave me a copy of Pokemon Y, so I decided later that night to play it instead of sleep much like what one of those American kids would do. I started the game and everything seemed normal up until I started the game. The title screen's colors were inverted and the title was backwards, so it read "Y nomekoP", which obviously was "top kek" in my native language. Was this game trying to troll me? I went on and when professor Tree was supposed to "welcome me to the world of AIDS Pokemon" he told me to go fuck myself instead. Then it cut to an animation of my character masturbating in a black void to a picture of a Gardevoir.
After an agonizing five minutes of watching that, the game shut itself off. I restarted it and instead of the Pokemon Y intro, I ended up a fucked up version of the Skyrim intro.
"Juu är finally awaek. juu wör trying tuu cråss de bördr. Walkde right intuu dat Imperial ambusj, saem as ös, and dat tief ovr der," professor Tree said to me, but I couldn't understand his Swedish speak. Suddenly, the game froze for about two hours and it returned, but to what looked like an actual Pokemon game. I was so happy to be playing an actual Pokemon game, but suddenly a skeleton popped out and my 3DS exploded.
Suddenly, the guy who gave it to me ran in and said to the guards that I unleashed a curse on Poland by playing that game. They put me in jail for two minutes and then let me out, but I wasn't the emperor anymore, so I had to find a way to make ends meet, so I took a job at a MkDónąłdski in Krakow as a janitor.
Eventually I became depressed and ate a lot, so I gained a lot of weight and was fired from the ... hell, I'm not going to type it again because it takes too much effort. But I grew Poland's largest mustache and gave mustache rides to random people, and they gave me ass loads of money for them. I was still pretty depressed, so I burned Poland to the ground and moved to Russia. Should've done that fifteen years ago; I could've saved a lot of time doing that then.
Written by ThatCelticFurry
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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