Red Monday
Author's note: This is some shitty parody I made of Red Tuesday, I don't know what's worse.
K, let me start off by saying that I am a HUGE CoD fanboy! I am a college student at Detroit's Interracial College (for) Kids. Now i'm going to tell you the events I witnessed known as Red Monday!
Last Thursday I was fucking around with my friends, Reggie Fils-Aime and some other unimportant people. Then I saw this weird looking Call of Duty (which I'm a fan of btw) game sticking out of the trash can near my house. It said Call of Duty: Modded WarFail 3: Wrath of Gabe Newell: Resurrection: Erection: STD Infection: In Your Pelvic Section: The Movie: The Game: HD. I got a nostalgic boner when I saw this and decided to invite my friends to my house to play it, but then I realised that I don't have any friends. I ran home and aggressively rammed the game into my E-Z Cracker. I sat down to play the game but a message popped up like a skeleton and said: "Warning, this game may or may not ruin your life and it may or may not set off a nuclear bomb and this warning message may or may not be legit. Do you want to continue?"
I pick yes but that introduction tho, it was wickity wack!!! It showed Fails from the Sanic series and Lucario getting stabbed by Anon (can someone make this happen?) for exactly 14 seconds, 53 milliseconds, and 38 microseconds, this only bothered me because it ended. On the main menu there was 3 options: boring campaign, repetitive co-op, and unbalanced multiplayer. I could've chose the multiplayer but that required originality, so I did the campaign. When I did a #spooky picture popped up.
It was Soldier (remember him?) from tf2 getting spawnkilled for about 15 seconds while he said "srsly uninstall this gaem, its shit, cum on guis STAHP, no fo real STAHP." I didn't notice cuz I was too busy pissing on the screen, trying to get it in his mouth. Then the first mission began it said "Red Monday".
I thought "Didn't they mean Black Monday? (its a weekly special they have at the local strip club host club)". Then I was tied to a pole while 2 creatures did a bukkake on me. One looked like an ogre, yet it seemed very god-like, I felt the need to worship it whenever onions are mentioned it said "it will all be orge soon". The other was a fury-like creature with a artificial-fluffy outside and a fat-hairless inside. The first creature jammed a "shiny object" into my character's mouth and forced her to look at Captain Price (from cawla booty, which i'm a huge fan of btw). Huge skeletons popped out of the ceiling, which was scary and made me scream like Louis from Left 4 Dead (which I hate cuz it ain't CoD).
The screen went blank with BIG RED TEXT (Basically the screen didn't go blank). Before I knew it I was in the game, I was tied to the chair like Alex Mason (remember him?) there was a thing on my head that prevented me from talking but I was somehow able to scream. I kept screaming for da lulz until someone opened the door. The door opened and the shadow I saw turned into someone from Modded Warfail 3 (which i'm a fan of btw).
Someone very important.
Someone I knew.
Someone with a shet ton of swag.
Someone who was special.
Someone that could help me.
Someone i'm a fan of.
Someone I worship.
I kept screaming while I wait for the person to load. It was Mutahar from SumExtraordinaryGaymores. Sometime later YuriOfWind entered the room and Mutahar said "what's up guys, this is Mutahar, we found the package", I suddenly got a massive package in my pants cuz I noticed that Mutahar was doing a livestream and I was in it! I was freed from the chair and YaoiOfWind did one of his famous "end-slates" which was completely misleading because it makes his videos appear twice as long than they actually are.
He said "let's go, the roops won't be gone for long". I thought to myself, "roops? what the fuck are roops?, did he mean TROOPS?". 3 russians entered the room, Yaoi, Yiff, and Yuri and they gave me an intervention to do some elite quickscopez with. Then the entire room exploded (figure that out), the roops entered the room (that just exploded a second ago). Suddenly Gabe Newell (remember him?) entered the room (that exploded btw) and told me the release date of Half-Life 3, but I forgot it.
I forgot to check the back of the box for any weird shit that might happen. The real bad guy was Sweetwater from battlefield (remember him? nobody remembers the Battlefield campaigns cuz they're shit) (I also played this, just to let you know) I then figured out "wait a sec, this isn't any ordinary gaem". Then I met the characters from TF2, it was Scout (remember him?), Heavy (remember him?), Medic (remember him?), Spy (remember him?), Pyro (remember him?), Engineer (remember him?), Sniper (remember him?), Soldier (remember him?), and Demoman (remember him?). I was told to go protect some people so this story would have a plot, these people were PATRIXXX, KERMIXXX, NETFLIXXX, and Grapey the Grape. Then I had to protect some nobodies I know in real life because they asked me to be in this. Gabe Newell drove the vehicle through New York until...
"BOOM" said the truck, we were hit by a trickshotter, causing the me to be thrown out the vehicle. I woke up and saw Fluttershy getting tortured by over 9000 a shit ton of demons and Nazis and after that, Spike and Discord stabbed her for teh lulz (Palcomix/TiaraWhy/Pokehidden, if you are reading this, could you please make this happen?). Mutahar and YuriOfWind were taken away by handcuffs, then Scout, Spy, Medic, Engineer, Heavy, Soldier, Demoman, Pyro, Sniper, Star_, Jerma, Saxton Hale, the guys from VSauce, Cr1tikal, RebelTaxi, ReviewTechUSA, MaxMoeFoe, HowToBasic, Gordan Freeman, Barney Calhoun, Dr.Breen, Morgan Freeman, Gordan Ramsey, Barney Calhoun, Marasmus, Chell, Glados, Ricochet Guy, G-man, Grey Mann, Barney Calhoun, Fluttershy, the other ponies, Gabe Newell, Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan and Barney Calhoun were all taken away in a helicopter.
I woke up a while later tied up with glue on my mouth, HOLY SHET THIS JUST NOW BECAME 2SPOOKY4ME!!!!!!111!! All of my college friends were still alive except for Preston cuz I hate that asshole, fuckin douche. Macaroni then freed me and everyone else. But then... a helicopter crashed into the wall and spooky scary skeleton hands popped out and pulled me down.
I was in hell, also known as Burger King, I was trapped in a cage. My friend were being slapped in the face with dildoes (Is that the plural for dildo?, it doesn't sound right). The guy who wrote deth trumpet was being fucked "in teh assholes" (he has more than one asshole) by deth trumpet and deth trumboen, Fluttershy was being fucked by TiaraWhy and Pokehidden. Some other guy was... coughing HOLY SHET NOT COUGHING, ANYTHING BUT THAT and everyone else was being spawn-trapped. Then it was all over, EXCEPT IT WASN'T. I was back home and the TV was still on with the main menu, it said: congratsulayshun, a winrar is you cuz your winner!!!11!1! would you like to 1. cuntinue 2. quit?" I chose to continue because I have no fucking clue what the fuck I was doing. Then the TV turned off.
I ejaculated the gaem from my XBOX ONE and fell over. I have no memory of what just happened, despite this whole fucking novel I wrote of what just happened.
To be continued... Red Monday.
Written by Axe2TheMax
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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