Ren & Stimpy: Dirt Like You Belongs to the Ground!
Considering how I watch television constantly, every day, every night, every 24/7, 365, while sitting on my lazy butt on every weekend after school, I've never even bothered to help my mother, because she's always been harping on me while I had other things to do. Such as you guessed it, homework. Lots of schoolwork, and not only homework, but I always have to keep on getting a new book every time I pass an Accelerated Reading test. The main reason for that is because of my horrible English teacher. I mean, don't get me wrong, I read and type very well, and in retrospect, you can see why. And it's also because this is my Reddit account, as you can see on this post.
This post is intended to be informational, and unfortunately, it's not really about kittens and rainbows. Don't get me wrong, I love kittens. Who couldn't resist snuggling them? But still, I'm not in the mood for that as of this day. The very least I could do is that I'm going to talk about how weird television really is. The television shows I could ever remember was Invader Zim, SpongeBob SquarePants, Yogi Bear, Scooby-Doo, and a few live-action sitcoms such as ALF, Full House, and The Golden Girls. Today's television wasn't so much like the good old days. Lots of shows are weird. For example, there are Netflix shows I know that are weird and are still weird today; True and the Rainbow Kingdom, Larva, Aggretsuko, and Big Mouth. Secretly, I despise True and the Rainbow Kingdom, because of its cheesy amount of views, and it's disgusting animation. Netflix thought it was just so good, that they had to make more and more versions of the show, and I consider them as duplicates instead of being part of it.
My aunt, who takes her irritating, 4-year-old bratty shorthair daughter, Joslyn, to my house and staying there for a few weeks every once and a while, forces me to do stuff with Joslyn together. And by that, Joslyn puts me into a boot camp. And I don't know what else I was supposed to do, and the only option was to play with her. And every time I try to get out of playing with her, she always goes and tattles to her mother in the most annoying, whiny voice that you would feast your ears upon. The voice of a real tattletale. And she has a face so stupid, that even you would want to punch.
My father seems to be a little more considerate to me than my mother is, and here is why. He doesn't harp on me as much, and when he does, he talks to me normally and calmly to me about the situation. He isn't as bothersome as my aunt, and he lets me do what I want to do, which inevitably leads to an argument between him and my mother, which starts out as an argument before turning into a flame war, which is until the point where they proceed to start shouting at the top of their lungs at each other.
Eventually, they might soon divorce at some point in time, and I know how this might go when it comes to the divorcing of two parents. One male, and one female; they continuously shout at each other like it's an internet argument, up until they plan a divorce. Whether or not if they have a child, like me for example, but it's going to usually take place in a courtroom with a bunch of other wishing-to-be divorced couples. If I were to choose a parent who would officially take full custody of me, I would like to pick my father. And like I said before, my father acts more civil and nice than my deadbeat vegetable farming mother.
As for television and internet, I still have cable. But there is the Roku, that my mother uses for watching informational videos on YouTube that are political, such as Donald Trump-related content, and war documentaries about the Revolutionary War, World War I and World War II. And one thing for sure is that I am tired of the garbage she's always been doing since I was 6 years old when I even got to KNOW who she really is. Both of my parents are opposite. For one, my father is very kind and good-natured, and my mother is plain rude, loud, irritating, abusive, and very nasty. It's a lot like the abusive father and caring mother concept, but except the roles are reversed only in this family. What I like doing with my father is that I watch tons of television and play lots of video games together. Not only that, but frankly, he also goes fishing with some of his friends for a few hours before returning to shelter.
The most viewed channels on television I've ever laid my irises and pupils upon were Nickelodeon, NickToons, Syfy, Chiller, [adult swim], FOX, and you also guessed it, sports channels. Yes, my father is into sports, and I am on the other hand, not into any of that stuff. I'm not super athletic, but I am pretty good at fighting, and I've still been training ever since. I've been watching Nickelodeon my whole life, and one of the many iconic shows I have ever watched and loved was a show called Ren & Stimpy. Sure, it has gross-out humor, but it's not as BAD as Fanboy and Chum Chum, and Pig Goat Banana Cricket. The show itself contains two characters consisting in the names of Ren Hoek, and Stimpy J. Cat. Ren is a constantly rude and loud chihuahua, like my mother, and Stimpy is a red Manx cat, as if he were to ever look like one, has white gloves, a huge, blue nose with visible nostrils, and an almost human-like posterior. These two characters are very well-known once somebody were to ever understand what the whole concept of the show is about, and what it consists of. The show constantly focuses on the two protagonists, and they don't go on adventures which really aren't fun per say, but the show is very entertaining once you watch it, in my most honest opinion.
But, that is, if you wish to view the Adult Party Cartoon spin-off, which I've never even liked at all compared to the original version. The spin-off consists of adult humor, swearing, violence, and graphic content. Heck, there was even gore in it. The most messed up episode of the spin-off is "Ren Seeks Help!", where Ren is sent out of the house by Stimpy after he's abused him for years, where Ren goes to a therapy room where he talks to Dr. Horse about his past. If we were to ever think that there is no episode that could never get even more messed-up than this, then I must be the one exaggerating over the whole thing if I thought it would never get any worse than this.
That was until Christmas, where I snuck out of bed to wake up my father behind my mother's back, and whisper to him that today was Christmas. What I do on Christmas Eve is tracking Santa Claus on the usual NORAD, which my father had mentioned a few years back before I could even make this post.
On Christmas, my father and I went straight to the living room to find that there are tons of presents, only to find out that 99.1% of them had my cousin's name on them; because she is "special," and is considered by both of my mother and my aunt as a sweet little angel who is even more important and more special than me. This makes it seem like they barely even care about me, and they mostly likely would care less if I were to leave this state and never return. After digging through my cousin's presents for a while, I found a red-colored DVD cartridge-shaped present with a green bowtie, with my name written on it in a cursive font. I proceeded to tear out the package in the usual traditional holiday cheery-fashion, and was revealed was a Blu-Ray DVD cartridge. It was a Ren & Stimpy episode collection, and there was a stamp on the front of the cartridge that says "Now with a special episode!", in a golden color, and in a jolly font.
Now, depicting on whether this episode was real or not, I have seen this episode. This was one episode I am going to discuss about, and it's the talk of this post. This episode was one episode that only one person had viewed it, and nobody else in this planet has ever watched it. At 12:30 AM, I proceeded to sneak onto my computer, while everyone else in my family was sleeping, including my father, to place the disc into my computer. I went into my files, and in the Quick Access folder, I saw a file that was labeled "ren&stimpycollection.avi". I double-clicked the file, and the very next thing I knew was that the computer automatically full-screened itself. On-screen, was a menu selection with Ren and Stimpy standing at both opposite sides. Ren is on the left side of the screen, while Stimpy was on the right side. Ren was scratching his head in confusion, and Stimpy was just standing there, looking stupid as always, which had suited his personality perfectly. The background was red and crimson, and the options were splatters of snot and green sludge.
The background looked somewhat like the meat of a Sloppy Joe, with a few bits of body hair embedded in the red sludges. On the splatters on the options, were their labels; the text for the options looked similar to veins, for when they turn purple. On the green snot splatters, consisted of four options that read "Play All", "Episode Selection", "Options", and "Exit". Regardless, I didn't have any time to play all of the episodes in the middle of the night, so I decided to go into the episode list. Upon hovering my mouse and left-clicking the second option, a squish sound was audible. Luckily, I had my earbuds plugged in so my family cannot hear my laptop. The screen would take the view faster than a flash over to what appears to be a movie theater room, with Ren and Stimpy in front of it. Ren was laughing at what was on the film screen, and Stimpy had a popcorn container in his lap, throwing some kernels into his mouth. What was on the film screen appeared to be a bright and colorful cartoon.
The cartoon featured a happy child-like character skipping down a sidewalk in an exuberant demeanor, but it's in the form of a still shot. When I scrolled through the episode list, I got to the very bottom. And there, after the last episode, was the thumbnail and the label of the "special" episode itself.
The thumbnail featured a completely terrified Stimpy, screaming at the top of his lungs until his face turns red. Tears of horror were rolling down his eyes and dripping down his cheeks, and chin. Under the thumbnail read "SPECIAL EPISODE!", in all capitalized letters with an exclamation mark at the very end of it. Curious as a cat, I proceeded to left-click the thumbnail, and it took me to a view in front of the film screen. The camera then zooms in, revealing a black and white film countdown for 5 seconds, before fading to black. Suddenly, before I could hover my mouse over to the timestamp, I was interrupted with a sine-wave, with TV color bars on-screen. At first glance, the quality was quite low for the test card, with colors of white, yellow, turquoise, green, pink, red, and blue at the top, with black and silver at the bottom of the screen. The test card was then cut off by a black screen, before fading in to show the intro to The Ren & Stimpy Show.
However, in retrospect, as soon as the intro ended, the light-blue background with the paper hole in the center did not contain the titular characters. In fact, there were no characters to be seen. Even the title was missing. At the bottom-center of the screen read "Created by: John Kricfalusi and Bob Camp". The screen then vanished to show the title card of the episode. The name of the episode in a snot-yellow color was labeled "Dirt Like You Belongs to the Ground!". The title card artwork contained Ren, laying down inside of an open ditch, looking up at a shadowy silhouette what appears to resemble Stimpy. His eyes were white, and his ears were not present. But, only in the title card though. Thankfully, I do remember the entire episode, and that is why I am writing this post. The camera then cut to black, before it shows the sky, and as the camera zoomed downwards, it shows the neighborhood. After a glance at the neighborhood, the camera panned over to Ren and Stimpy's house, before showing the bedroom. Ren's eyes fluttered open, then he got up with a yawn. He stretches his body, followed by the sounds of his bones popping and cracking. "Ooooh..." He croaked. "I hope Stimpy isn't going to mess things up like last night..." Ren muttered to himself, before he rolls out of bed and makes his way over to the dining room.
When Ren got to the dining room, Stimpy was almost done with making breakfast. The camera shows a close-up of what Stimpy made for both himself, and his friend. What was on the two plates was a bacon strip, and a pair of cracked eggs. They were both in the form in a completely full-on perfect smiley face, and then it shows Ren, sitting in the first chair of the dining room table, with a fork and butter-knife in his hands.
"Gee, Ren! You sure do look tired today! Go and get some coffee! Then, you may eat breakfast and get ready for the day!" Stimpy told Ren, while Ren, on the other hand, just slumped off of the chair to make himself some coffee. Upon doing so, he would place the cup of coffee on the table, then he sat back down, and picked his silverware up again. "Pass it over, you fat buffoon! I'm starving!" Ren scowled, banging his silverware on the table demandingly. Ren bared his teeth, while grinding his teeth at his friend impatiently. "Here you go!" Stimpy began, before he passed the plate of the bacon strip and the two eggs in front of Ren. When Ren looked at his meal, he licked his chops hungrily. "Eat up! And if you want some more, just ask!" Stimpy said, before putting on a bib and picked up his silverware. Ren downed his food already, and he puts his plate and silverware in the sink so Stimpy could wash them afterwards. "Ren, why am I the one to wash your dishes?" Stimpy asked.
Ren facepalms, and he starts to explain the reason why he did such a thing. "It's because we take turns doing chores everyday, Stimpy! About what you said about one day, I do the chores, and the other day, you take a turn, and so on, and so on! Did you forget about what you said two years ago!?" Ren raised his voice, only to make Stimpy quiver in fear.
"N-Now, Ren...I-I understand what you were saying, but there should not be a reason to yell at me like that...! To tell you the truth, Ren...I...I forgot what I said, and it can happen to anyone, if you believe me...!" Stimpy tried to reason with Ren, only to make him angrier. "...was I yelling at you, Stimpy? How loud was the volume of my voice when I answered the question you had asked 10 seconds ago in the first place?" Ren asked. Stimpy thought for a moment, before he would say nothing, only to wash Ren's dishes. "I thought that, Stimpy..." Ren snarled, before going into the living room, and as he made his way there, he sat on the recliner, and kicked back before he turned on the television. The scene cut back to Stimpy, who just got done eating his breakfast. He took his dishes, and he washed them the same way he had done before to Ren's dishes.
The camera cuts to show Stimpy's face, only to show a very forlorn expression on the Manx cat's face. After a few seconds of showing Stimpy's forlorn face, the camera cuts beside him to show him closing his eyes, and looking downwards while he washes his dishes. Stimpy slowly, and I mean, VERY slowly, puts his dishes in the dishwasher, before walking out of the dining room. His eyes, however, was locked with the screen. As if he were to be looking at me, and the most worrying part is that he still kept that sad expression. Stimpy puts his index finger and his thumb onto his chin for a moment, before he heads upstairs to grab his purse. As the camera follows him, the bedroom was now in shot, revealing the bedroom door. The door slowly creaks open, showing Stimpy, stepping foot into the bedroom.
When Stimpy walked into the bedroom to get his purse, he noticed that the door had slammed shut behind him. "STIMPY!" Stimpy shot his head back to see Ren, who looked severely disappointed, however. "R-Ren, what are you doing here? I-I just went to get my purse to go to the store, that's all!" Stimpy began to tremble in terror, with the sound of his heavy breathing being present. Stimpy backed away slightly from the angry chihuahua, while he smiled nervously. "It's not even past lunchtime yet, you eediot! The next time you get your purse this early during the day right after breakfast, I'll make sure I send you out of the house!" Ren leered at his friend. Ren would walk out of the door, while looking back at Stimpy and pointing at him. "YOU BETTER WAIT UNTIL NOON, YOU BAG OF HAIRBALLS...GOT THAT!?" Ren yelled furiously, only for Stimpy to whimper and nod his head in fear. "Of course I understand, Ren!" Stimpy whined, and when the camera zooms into Ren, he would squint his eyes and gave Stimpy a dirty look. "You better put that purse back where it came from..." Ren said, before slamming the door shut aggressively.
Everything in the episode went dead silent for a moment, before the screen cuts to Stimpy, looking down, drooping, with his eyes closed. Stimpy laid on the bed on his front side, and began to sob in a pillow, and what I could also hear is his muffled cries, though they had sounded a bit quiet. The scene then transitions over to Ren, watching television. The camera cuts to a close-up of the television, which had showed something so awful, that I didn't want to say it. But, it's for the sake of the information for this post. On the television, was the news channel. An anchorman was discussing about George Liquor, who has been arrested for abuse of animals, and has been sentenced 38 years in prison.
The television showed George Liquor, as spoken about by the anchorman, laughing psychotically while torturing a group of dogs with an inky-black colored whip. He continuously struck at the dogs with the whip, making them whimper and attempt to flee, but their objective failed horrendously. Ren, obviously bored, switched the channel to a reality show about boxing. He just sat there, with crusty eyes full of visible eye-boogers, showing the mood that he's in. He appeared to be very delirious, tired, and extremely stressed-out. Ren would sigh, before he makes his way into the kitchen, and sat at the dining room table, resting his hand under his chin. "Stimpy! Stimpy, come downstairs and make lunch! It's noon, and I don't want to wait all day for your lazy butt to just sit and vogue like the eediot you are!" Ren called the Manx, but there was no response, not even a whimper. "Stimpy? Where are you?" Ren called again, but there was still no response. Out of anger, Ren yelled at the top of his lungs impatiently. "STIMPY! IF YOU DON'T COME DOWNSTAIRS AND MAKE LUNCH, THEN I'M GOING TO MAKE MYSELF LUNCH, AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT DINNER TONIGHT, BECAUSE YOU WON'T GET ANYTHING!" Ren did not get anymore responses, before groaning and making his way upstairs in search of his friend. The first place he searched was the bedroom. When he opened the door, the room was darkened, and the only thing that was slightly lit up was the left corner. Stimpy was seen sitting in the corner, and what supported the lighting for the corner was a lamp with a flickering lightbulb.
"Stimpy...?" Ren slowly stepped foot into the bedroom, and approached Stimpy cautiously. "Stimpy, are you alright?" This was when the nightmare began. Stimpy quickly shot his head back at Ren, screaming at the top of his lungs. And when he screamed, the sound of his voice hit me. And by that, it was at least 10 decibels loud. It took me 30 seconds for my ears to recover from the damage that was done to them, but at least they didn't explode like a nuclear bomb. His eyes were bloodshot, and they were bulging out of his sockets, with veins of purple and red on his arms and scalp. Stimpy's teeth were sharp and cat-like, and his hands...his HANDS. They had real cat claws, and they were soaked with fresh blood. There was a red shading outline around Stimpy. He yelled out to Ren in the most aggressive voice I have ever heard from such a friendly character like him. "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I AM OKAY, REN HOEK!? DOES IT!?" Ren gasped, before taking a step back away from his friend.
"I-I suppose not, b-but why are you acting like this? What even HAPPENED to you...?" Ren's face shifted from concerned to terrified, as he slowly backs away. Stimpy was crawling on all fours, like a regular feline. "OH, YOU HAVE EXACTLY NO IDEA...YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU DID TO MAKE ME THIS WAY!? WELL, MR. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID TO MAKE MY BEST FRIEND INTO A MONSTER, LOOK AT ME! JUST LOOK AT ME, REN! AFTER ALL YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH, YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY PUSHED ME OVER TO THE EDGE!" Stimpy yelled, revealing his true colors. Ren felt severely guilty, so he came up with a way to make Stimpy feel better. "M-Maybe...maybe...I can make lunch and dinner! How does that sound? Y-You won't have to worry about cooking a single meal for today and tomorrow!" Ren suggested, and the next thing I saw that Stimpy had done...made my heart sink to its core.
Stimpy hissed like a vampire showing a snake-like tongue flailing in his mouth, before clawing Ren in the face. The camera, for a brief moment, showed a close-up of the claw marks on Ren's face. And yes, there was literal BLOOD dripping down each claw mark on the chihuahua's face. The shot was highly detailed, similar to any other close-up that is shown in any other episode of Ren & Stimpy. The camera goes back into shot with Ren, touching the claw mark, and noticing the blood dripping down his face. He saw it on his fingers and on the palm of his hand, before looking back in horror at Stimpy. "Stimpy...how...could you...!?" Ren's face now immediately changed from fear, to anger. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT, STIMPY...!?" Ren snarled.
"Because karma will get you eventually, Ren...have you ever learned what karma is? It's come to my attention that the beginning of the abuse had already began when we had JUST met! The first time we were friends, you abused me! The second day we were still friends, you abused me! The third day we were friends, you abused me, on, and on, and on...as if I were to EVER call you a friend anymore, because LOOK AT ME! You made me into a MONSTER, Ren Hoek! And there is no excuse for any of the things you have always done!" Stimpy ranted at Ren in the sharpest voice he had. Ren looked a little guilty on the inside, but he still looked pretty angry on the outside. The very reason why I have claimed that Ren looked slightly guilty is because there was a slight gasp before he could speak. He had looked into his hands in regret, before he fires back to his friend. "Do you think I wanted you to become this way, Stimpston J. Cat!? I DO want you to be my friend, but I'm tired of your stupidity, if you still think that you are any better than me, because you aren't, you eediot! You're stupid, you are worthless, and to sum things up, you're all but a lazy good-for-nothing instead of what I would call a friend!" Ren stomps over to Stimpy, and before he had the chance to pick Stimpy up by his neck, Stimpy proceeds to kick Ren to the door, before quickly knocking him out with a flower pot. And I swear to the name that is holy, I heard him SNICKER.
The screen vanished to a tar-black screen before it goes back to Ren, who finds himself in an empty room, tied up to a wooden chair with a white light pouring down on him. Everything that was around the room was foggy, making it hard for Ren to see. "W-What the...w-where am I? Stimpy? Where are you? I want to be free immediately, and the game you are playing isn't very funny, you sack of dust bunnies!" Ren said, with a bit of anger being pushed into his voice. I heard a cackle from the background, and it sounded somewhat surprisingly enough...like Stimpy's. The screen then shifted from the tied-up chihuahua, to a door with grey fog surrounding the area. The door opened up, and I saw a silhouette similar to Stimpy's, like in the title card; only except that he looked a little more menacing. He was dark, and his eyes and mouth were paper-white. And in his teeth, there was a red substance dripping down his lower-lip. The screen cuts back to Ren, zoomed into his face. He was shivering in fear, and if he were to ever use his hands, he would be begging for mercy by the look on his face.
"Stimpy, don't you dare come any closer to me! Stay back!" Ren begged, only for the silhouette of Stimpy to approach, and as it got any closer to Ren, he was panicking, wishing for a miracle to save him. And at this rate, there is no such thing as miracles at the moment. "I-I-I'm w-warning y-y-you!" Ren stuttered, trembling in fear under the wrath of the rope that had him tied up. The silhouette of Stimpy, grins wider, and wider, until the smile completely takes over half of his face, which it is starting to scare even ME, up until the point where I became just as scared as Ren is of that thing that I call Stimpy. However, I was right. That thing IS Stimpy, just by the way the shadowy figure looked, and the way it had acted.
"Aren't friends supposed to be close to each other and always be by their side, Ren...? We are friends, aren't we?" Stimpy tempted with a low growl in a cat-like manner, as he continued to slowly approach the chihuahua. Ren tried to struggle free, but it was no use. The rope was tied in 5 good knots, making it hard for Ren to find a way to break free. The screen then showed the shadowy Stimpy, and what remained in his hand...was a disheveled, rusty kitchen knife, covered in dry blood. "Wanna know why I'm doing this, Ren...?" He whispered. "W-Why, Stimpy...?" Ren murmured. "Because...it's BECAUSE..." Stimpy began, before his voice changes into something that is so demonic, so echoic, and so loud, that it was almost deafening. "YOU SHOULD'VE GOTTEN WHAT YOU HAVE DESERVED A LONG TIME AGO, HOEK!"
And because of that, I paused the video to turn down the volume. When I opened the volume settings, I noticed the problem. The volume percentage was on 100%, which had left me severely annoyed. When I reduced the volume to 23%, everything was much better than before.
Stimpy lunged out at Ren, before slicing his stomach open with the rusty knife, making a large wound that is clearly visible on the poor dog's body. Ren's ear-piercing howls of agony sounded through my earbuds, Stimpy cuts deeper, and deeper into Ren's stomach, making him scream louder, and louder. He struggled to break free, but yet again, the rope kept him still, and the only part of his body that he was able to move was his head. Stimpy claws Ren in the face, only except it was harsher than before. Ren started to sob in pain, and when he looked into Stimpy's eyes, they were nothing more except all levels of insane. "Do you feel it now, Ren?" Stimpy said with a giggle, before proceeding to topple the chair. The chair falls over, and Ren had hit his skull on the floor, followed by the sound of a grunt. Stimpy slashes at Ren once more, but he accidentally cuts the rope, breaking Ren free. Ren didn't move, but he was still alive. The cut in his stomach still remained in his body, still drooling crimson-red blood. Ren slowly put one hand over his wound, before getting on his knees, and looking up at the cat.
"Now I understand who you really are, Stimpy...if I'm the first to die before you, you will eventually be dragged along with me...!" Ren snarled. He had an angry look on his face, with tears rolling down his cheeks. He slowly crawls toward the Manx, with the bloody knife still held in his glove. I didn't even get it; I thought this was going to be a really stupid episode like the rest of them, but it was wrong. It was ALL wrong. It didn't even make any sense, because Stimpy wouldn't bother to fight back against the wrath of Ren, no matter how aggressive the chihuahua can be. I don't even consider bothering to prefer one race over the other. Just so you won't get me wrong, but I prefer dogs and cats EQUALLY.
The "episode" progresses on with Ren and Stimpy in the same room as I had described for you, before out of shock, Ren, despite that he was heavily injured, began to jump onto Stimpy, and claw at him like a wild animal. The screen cuts to black for a few seconds, before it shows Stimpy, knocking Ren out with the handle of the knife, presumably knocking him out temporarily. That is, until the next scene. Stimpy grabs Ren's left-leg, and dragged it off-screen, before the camera pans over to show the door that he had entered through. I basically had this strange feeling where I felt bad for Ren, and at the same time, I didn't. The door to the room, while it was open, showed nothing but a bright, white, heavenly light. Stimpy walked towards the entrance to the room, as the camera had showed a back-facing view of him dragging Ren out of the room, and out of the door. As soon as he left the room while he vanished into the light with Ren, the door shuts behind itself, showing nothing but pure darkness of the room. The scene transitions over to show what appeared to be the backyard, with a ditch and a gravestone.
The camera zoomed in to get a better shot. What also remained in the backyard was Stimpy, a shovel in his hand, and in his other hand, was Ren's unconscious body, dragging Ren by the leg. Stimpy was facing away from the camera slightly, and while he was, he held the shovel in his hand. "Before I bury you, Ren, I have one more thing to say..." Stimpy whispers in a very unnerving way, before lifting Ren up, about to drop him into the abyss. "Dirt like you...belongs to the ground..." He snapped. He slowly let go of Ren's leg after dangling him over the abyss, and when he lets him go, Ren fell down into the lightless abyss of the ditch in slow-motion, to be consumed by the darkness. He was facing away from the camera, and before I thought the nightmare was over, Stimpy slowly, and when I mean slowly, I mean VERY slowly, turned around to face the screen, now with that his usual stupid look that he puts on. He no longer looked intimidating. He looked like himself again.
He faced the camera for 15 seconds, and I swear, he creeped me out when he broke the fourth wall. He winked at the camera, and I'm not lying to you when I say this, because he literally WINKED at the screen, directly at me. When he winked, the screen vanished to black before showing a very unsettling picture that was indeed creepier than the title card. This horrendous image featured Ren, at the very bottom of the ditch, laying down in a coffin. His fur and skin were dark-green, and his eyes had not even featured any irises and pupils. Instead, they were black X-marks. The color of the inside of the ditch was a bluish shade. Ren's body had tons of holes, with worms squirming around in them. His mouth was open, and his tongue was hanging out of his maw. The blue light illuminated the inside of the ditch, and on the wall above Ren's head, was a shadow of Stimpy with a wide grin on his face. In Ren's left-hand, was a paper card that read "The End" on it. The screen then faded to darkness, before it takes me back to the menu selection screen. I clicked the 'Exit' option, and I had already figured that I've had enough computer time for the night.
The screen took me back to my desktop. It was completely, and perfectly normal, no damage done. I opened the disc player, and I took out the disc before putting it back into the DVD cartridge. And once I did, I powered down my computer, put the DVD cartridge back under the Christmas tree, and I snuck right back into bed. It was already one hour and a half past 12:30 anyways. I stumbled my way back to my bedroom, before I jumped onto my bed, and got under my covers. When I fell asleep, I had a ton of weird dreams. They were insanely surreal, and they were all one mess all formed into one blob. I honestly think that these weird dreams that I am making in my head is probably most likely the fault of the episode of Ren & Stimpy that I have already watched that night on Christmas Eve. At 8:30 AM, I had woke up, and went to the bathroom, there was no sign of my aunt and her waste of flesh of a daughter. I let out a sigh of relief, and I went to the bathroom in peace. After I urinated, I flushed the toilet, washed my hands, and without forgetting, I put on some deodorant. When I went into the living room, I noticed that my niece's presents were no longer in sight. Instead, I had all kinds of great presents. I had already found out that it was all thanks to my father.
Right after Christmas, it was this Saturday that my father and I went to court, and he is now able to take full custody of me, and to make matters better, my mother is sentenced for life in prison after the crimes she had committed. She was arrested for armed robbery, forgery, abuse, and drunk driving, which I was oblivious about, except for the abuse part. I mean, she was extremely abusive towards me since the very beginning. When I looked behind myself, I saw my mother in an orange inmate jumpsuit, which was the outfit I've been wanting her to wear a decade ago.
Afterwards, my father and I moved into a better house, with better internet. It did take quite some time for my stuff to be moved into the house that I am still in today. And, I bet you were wondering how long it took me to type this all up. Well, I would say that I was typing this post for 2 months, since it did take some time for my stuff to get here. I've got my video game systems, my computer, and my television. And yes, we DO have cable from right where I am, and I did make sure to save all of the progress I have made on the post that I've been typing up for these estimated 2 months, as I said before. I still have that Ren & Stimpy DVD case, and I still use it. But, I'm never going to watch that so-called "special" episode ever again. And I will never forget what happened that dreadful night.
Originally on Geoshea's Lost Episodes Wiki
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